FREEdom isn't Free

"True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic, it is not the urge to surpass others at all cost but to surve others at all costs."-Arthur Ashe

 The two pictures above were taken on a trip to D.C. a year ago. The first is at the Korean War memorial. The second is inside Arlington National Cemetery.

I've never been in a place that evokes quite so many emotions like Arlington does. I'm not sure how anyone could step inside and not feel thankful. The mass number of bodies laid to rest there is astonishing. Every single one of them a key piece in our freedom from one point in time or another. Each white marker holds a story of how freedom was fought for, protected, and won because of a sacrifice made. It is hallowed ground. Beautiful, inspiring hallowed ground.

 A week ago I stood in a line and voted. Such a simple thing that is so important and so few people take the time to actually do. One of the many things I can do because of the people who died to make it that way. Today is Veteran's Day.  These past few days I've been trying to figure out what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. Often that is not the easiest thing despite my love of words. Getting my feelings and thoughts into a tidy piece about some subject or another requires work. Work that this past week was focused on preparing a lesson for our Young Adult Bible Study. While writing everything for that yesterday it hit me, My ability to do what I will do tonight is because of the people in Arlington and around the world, living and gone, who sacrificed themselves for my freedom.

The very word freedom is almost a paradox. No where in time has freedom come freely. It has come with the price of blood, sweat, tears, and lives. From the Revolutionary War onward gaining freedom came at the cost of husbands, sons, daughters and families. This is a payment that shouldn't be overlooked. When a loved one in lost to this cause it changes things and I think it is easy to forget the families of those who are lost protecting us. We have what we have because they lost something. 

I'm glad that this isn't a day marked with large firework displays and barbecues.  Not because I don't think our Veterans and those who currently served in the Armed Forces should be celebrated, they should. If I didn't agree with it I wouldn't write about it. I'm just happy to see that it hasn't become so commercialized that the very reason the day exists is passed over for a reason to eat food and shoot colored lights into the sky.

It isn't hard to be thankful for the freedom I have when I need only to see the news or newspaper headlines of how things are progressing worldwide. The rights we have, that we can exercise are so vast and it is because so many make sure we live in a place where we have a chance to make ourselves heard and to choose how we wish to live. Blood-bought, hard-fought, and supported by the men and women of the Armed Forces. We are free because they chose to make sure it stayed that way no matter the cost.

To those who give me such freedoms I want to say Thank You. Your sacrifice won't be forgotten.

Orphan Sunday-November 2, 2014/National Adoption Month

"Orphans are easier to forget until you see their faces and you know their names."-David Platt

With November being National Adoption Month and today being Orphan Sunday, it is time I collect my thoughts. This is a subject that is never far from my mind. Usually I deal with it in words more than once a year. However, I like the regularity of annually updating on Orphan Sunday. It gives me and the blog one planned post. When the others are hit and miss and I go months without writing a single post it is nice to know that when the first Sunday of November rolls around I’ll be updating. 

Another year has passed and as such I’m that much closer to being able to adopt. While most people count down to their thirtieth birthday with the dread of being the big 3-0, I’m eagerly awaiting that January 20th exactly five years-two months and eighteen days from now. If you’ve just stumbled upon this blog or maybe you aren’t sure why thirty seems like a big deal allow me to explain. There are differing regulations and requirements depending on the country you adopt from. Adopting from China means I have to be thirty. There are other requirements I must meet first, like marriage, but I can’t control that. My age on the other hand is a tangible thing I can look at and see that I’m getting closer. 

This year has been an interesting one. For the first time I doubted whether or not adoption was for me. I wrestled with if I was strong enough to deal with the myriad of things that come with the call and the life that accompanies it. Thankfully it didn’t take me long to realize I wasn’t. While I’m not, my God is and that is all I need to know. It is His overwhelming grace and strength that will get me through those future doubts and problems. I don’t want it to appear that I’m making light of the arduous journey ahead of me but I do know what it is to throw everything at the feet of the One who made me because I don’t have the strength or the wisdom to continue in a situation. 

This time last year I’d just sent in the first money raised from the proceeds of The Forgotten to Show Hope and Tennessee Baptist Children’s Home. A few months ago the book became a paperback and not just an e-book. It is very strange holding something you worked so diligently on in your hands and knowing that it is complete. The original proof copy currently sits on the bookshelf in my bedroom amongst some of my favorite authors.  

Today though, this day. November 2, 2014, isn’t lost on me. It would have been another day of praying for the Fatherless and doing what I can to make those in my social network aware of this special day except that today my church had a children’s day. A day in which the children’s choir helped lead worship and an offering was taken to help the children’s ministry. Items that the children had made were auctioned off to raise funds. Having a church that considers children important is a beautiful thing. I spent the last seven years involved in that children’s ministry as a nursery worker. What makes this day so different is that while as a church we praised God for his gift of the children within the body of Bayside, there were millions of people worldwide praying for children as well. Except they prayed for families. They prayed that people would realize that we are called to defend the orphan. They prayed that God would raise up parents and advocates and workers amongst a harvest that is so big and ready and lacking in hands.  While a little over a thousand people spent the day today thanking God for the children he’s put around us and given us, I prayed even harder for the 147 million children who need to know the love of the God we were thanking and needed parents and advocates to show them that love. I prayed that with whatever He’s given me and gifted me with that as He’s given me a heart for this He would use me to change things. 

I learned a long time ago that asking for small things is perfectly fine. Asking for big things is even better. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying physical property. I’m speaking of being used as the hands and feet of God. Why pray for small things? God is big, God is all powerful. So why pigeon-hole the Creator of everything into working some tiny detail? I think sometimes that it is easy to get caught up in the notion that because it seems impossible to us we can’t take it to God. Often it is as if we forget who it is that we are actually dealing with. This is God. THE God. Yaweh. He can do anything, and if I am His child and He in all his wisdom has given me a heart for Orphans why in the world wouldn’t I ask Him to use me in a way that only He could?

I have no idea what this next year will look like. How God will use me in this matter or where he will take me with it is anyone’s guess. There is something exciting about that uncertainty, In knowing that God is going to use me as inadequate as I am because He’s put this in me. For now I wait. I Pray. I seek and I trust. 

Want to know more about Orphan Sunday or how you can join God’s people around the world working to help the Fatherless?

Visit the following websites:

Christian Alliance For Orphans (CAFO)

ShowHope.org    

OrphanSunday.org   

Tenessee Baptist Children Home

Want to read more about Orphan Care and how God is already working in people to ‘Defend the Orphan’ as He calls us to do in Isaiah 1:17? The following books are great sources:

Orphan Justice :Johnny Carr

Orphanology :Tony Merida & Rick Morton

Know Orphans:Rick Morton

 If you are interested in checking out my book The Forgotten you can get it here: The Forgotten

Why Ferguson Matters To Me

For the first time in my life I find myself unsure of adoption. In the wake of the death of Mike Brown and the resulting chaos that has followed I’m no longer completely secure in the notion that adoption is for me. I don’t know if I can deal with having to worry that as my kids become teenagers that someone could so easily alter their lives and mine on the basis of skin color. How do you go through life wondering daily if someone is going to change yours because they don’t like the look of your kid? It isn’t even just about death. Knowing the possibility of a situation evolving into a match of he said-she said is gut wrenching. Rarely do such cases end well and for teenagers the ramifications can be much worse. It isn’t just having people angry with you; it becomes something that could follow you for the rest of your life.

This is the first time I’ve actually tackled this subject. More often than not my thoughts center on the day that my kids realize they don’t look like me. The thought of being asked personal questions about my kids in front of my kids has never bothered me beyond the rudeness of strangers. Worrying about what could befall them because of another’s actions however, does. How do you prepare your kids to deal with the possibility that people are going to say or do things to them that are unfair or dangerous because of the way they look? Is that even completely possible? Growing up I was taught to ignore strangers and hateful comments but things get twisted when those comments are racial slurs and strangers could mean being put in jail or being shot. Because that is the world we live in. Maybe by the time I have kids that will have changed but I don’t really think that will happen. Wishful thinking is not always productive.

Being completely and totally honest that scares me. I’m not alright with the odds. It isn’t ok now and it certainly won’t be fine if it is happening to my kids. That isn’t one of those things you can just sit by and watch happen. That’s not watching your toddler learn to walk or ride a bike. It is much deeper and the results last longer. There is a reason the old adage ‘Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me’ is a bold-faced lie. Words cut like knives. They leave deep wounds that leave scars. Doing what I do as a writer I understand the power of words, in fact I use that power to my advantage. Unfortunately they can be used as easily to the detriment of people as they are to build another up.

I understand knowing where your kids are and who they are hanging out with. That is completely justifiable. However, that doesn’t justify harmful actions. There isn’t an argument that is convincing enough to make such a thing alright. I don’t care if my child is wearing a hoodie and walking around by himself. Why is the automatic response ‘thug’? Will my children be roaming around by themselves? No they probably won‘t. The point being that just because they are African or Asian or Cambodian or whatever ethnicity they wind up being the thought of anyone causing harm to come to them, even if it isn’t bodily galls me.

It wasn’t how I was raised and I’m not sure how people can think it is an acceptable way to live. How do you treat another human like they are an animal? I do not hold a medical degree but last time I checked everyone bleeds the same no matter their skin color. They still feel pain. What makes their suffering any different than yours?  Deriving joy from another’s pain is horrible but I’m of the opinion that to even live like this is horrible in and of itself.

The one thing I do know is that never before have I been conflicted like I am tonight. Years of knowing that God was calling me to adopt have been overshadowed with doubts of whether or not I’m the right person for such a role. I’ll be honest it feels like being dumped from a wonderful dream into a nightmare. Parenting is hard; I know that without even having to be a parent. I’m just not sure I’m strong enough to handle the many hurts that come along with it.

On Being a World Changer

This week I had the incredible opportunity to accompany some of my favorite people in the world on a trip  to Chesapeake, Virginia for World Changers. If you don't know what World Changers is, it is a mission trip in which you do construction among other things as a gateway to share the gospel amongst a neighborhood.

It was a trip I was completely excited about the moment I heard it was happening but one that made me nervous. While I've been able to share the gospel and teach sports with students in Monroe, Georgia for the past five years during Sports Camp ,doing construction was a completely different ball game. I'm used to helping my father build things like chicken coops but working on houses is a little different especially when we've only got four days.

 Another thing is working with strangers. When I do Sportscamp I know who I will be working from with Bayside.  World Changers is completely different. You don't know who your crew will comprise of until you get there. The way it wound up everyone had at least someone they knew on their crew at least with Bayside. The crew concept was my biggest worry. I prayed pretty much from the day Eric Dill talked about how the crews worked that Haynes, Hannah, or Brittany would be on my crew with me. I was sure that without them I wouldn't be able to figure out the week because unlike them this was my first World Changers but I hope not my last. God had other plans.

None of those three were on my crew. In fact except the group leaders on my crew I was the oldest member. I was really confused at first why the crews had worked out the way they had. Thankfully God didn't leave me alone with a bunch of strangers. He put three of the Bayside students with me. One of those being Gage's brother Brady whom I've had the pleasure of knowing and watching grow for his entire middle school career. He starts his junior year of High School in a couple of weeks which still blows my mind.  Those three students worked their tails off this week and I love them very much because without them our project wouldn't have finished.

It didn't take until the first work day to realize why God had placed me on a crew without my best friends. Without them I had to step up. I had to lead, which is something that over the past year I've been getting more used to doing. Though so far it has taken on the form of teaching in the College Small Group or the Young Professional Bible Study. Being a leader of any sort is a generally foreign concept at least outside of middle school. I do not exude the qualities that most famous leaders possess. I am not particularly outgoing. In fact I'm more comfortable with my nose in a book than I am in a crowd of people where I'm expected to talk. I find it practically impossible to insist that my personal agenda is met if it means others do no get their way. Telling people what to do isn't something I'm comfortable with (unless those people are under the age of seven). Even teaching is strange because it means people are focusing on me and that means attention which is something I'd rather avoid.

I found myself with Brady in control of the the living room of our house. What was done was up to me, how it was done was my choice. We were told what needed to be done and then I got the job of making sure that it did. Our crew chief was focused on the outside of the house that involved the building of a porch railings and replacing doors (neither of which I had experience in.) Brady and I painted, caulked, and sanded so much that the skin on the fingertip of my right index finger has a nice hole in it. Although I should probably say that Brady did most of the  painting, I mostly sanded and caulked. Brady is quite a bit taller than I am and with an extension handle on a roller he was able to paint the living room without a ladder.

I quickly came to the conclusion that the inventor of wallpaper was a horrible person. The house we worked on happened to have a border of wallpaper on the top of the walls. The walls were also layered with paint under a layer of wallpaper that had been painted over already. For the new paint to stick we had to remove the border which wound up peeling the plaster from the walls because the house was more than sixty years old. In case you were wondering caulk works wonders for filling in missing chunks of plaster once you smooth down the edges. You can paint over it with no problems and the walls look completely normal. I'm fairly certain I'm a master caulker now because of this.

All of this to bring me to my second point of what I learned;Gratitude.

Our homeowner wasn't what I would consider grateful for our work. She was in fact quite angry and nothing we did most of the week was right. Thankfully God put some of the most resilient people on my crew that I've ever seen. They exemplified Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, do your work heartily as for the Lord rather than man." In the beginning this made me mad. I didn't understand why she couldn't see that these people, myself included had traveled hours to do dirty, sweaty work for a complete stranger and be thankful. That verse in Colossians came to mind and after that I ignored her complaining and just worked. I was there to physically meet a need of the woman but I had come there to serve my God who'd given me the opportunity to learn a very important lesson. I'm just like that woman.

There are times when my life isn't going like I want it to and I complain. I'm ungrateful for the many blessings that I have and would rather complain about what I think is wrong rather than focus on what I've been given and remember that God is sovereign and knows what He is doing.  It was a sobering moment and I'm thankful for the reminder even if it did come ten hours away in a strangers house while I was caulking.


We met every night as a church for group devotions. Each night it seemed like someone had a really cool story of how God had brought people to them to share the gospel with or invite to the community night Thursday. Cue the green monster of jealousy. We saw three people when our crew went out. Well technically two of them were groups but none of them had time to talk at all beyond being invited to community night. Not one time did I get the chance to share the gospel. That bothered me at first. Here I was listening to story after story and none of that was happening with me. Eric Dill reminded us every night that God was in control. Eventually I understood that. My trip up wasn't about talking to stranger after stranger. My trip was about serving and being pushed outside of my comfort zone. I was made to step up and lead and trust that God was going to work through me because I sure wasn't used to telling people what to do on a worksite. (They made it easy because none of them told me no. To be honest I really just focused on directing the Bayside students and let the others work on the kitchen part of the house. Whatever I asked them to do they did, without complaint and they did it well.)

Despite the obstacles we faced including getting materials late and trying to please a finnicky house owner we did something that is impossible without God. Not only did we complete the project early we worked the entire week without a single problem from the crew. No arguments or breakdowns or complaints about how hot it was outside while we worked or inside without air. (I'm not actually sure we lacked air conditioning but it sure felt like it.) Those people had truly come to serve God and weren't going to let anything hinder that goal. They did it well and I'm glad to say I was a part of it.

It was a week I will never forget and I'm forever grateful that I was allowed the opportunity to experience it.

That being said I have one final remark;Shut Up Bucky

Obedience:It Matters

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you- “I Will Follow”-Chris Tomlin

If you’ve not heard this song you need to go listen to it.

Being obedient isn’t always easy. Neither is it particularly fun all the time. There are times when doing something God calls you to do will move you from your comfort zone. You’ll do things that you never could have imagined. It’s possible that in the end you will enjoy it and depending on what it is find a new ministry to serve Him in. Other times you’ll do it and despite being grown will not want to do that particular thing again.

That is the thing about obedience; we aren’t promised that we will enjoy it. We are just called to obey. It’s tricky sometimes because you don’t always want to do things instantly but the problem with that is delayed obedience is disobedience. That comes with consequences.

One of the many mind-blowing and incredible things about God is He knows what we need even if we don’t. What might seem like a horrible experience is a blessing in disguise. Why? When you get uncomfortable and do things you don’t want to do you are forced to rely on God. That is how you grow. Anytime you are put in a new situation or just one that makes you uncomfortable you realize that in all the uncertainty you are in the hands of the God who is sovereign over everything. Being reminded of that fact is never a bad thing. We rely so much on what we can do it is far too easy for us to lean on God only when things get so bad we don’t know what to do anymore. He is the last resort when he should be the first.

When he calls us to do something whatever it may be we have to rely on him. The key here is to remember that even if it seems like a small matter obedience is still needed. That is where the beauty in the situation comes from. We are doing things that we don’t like or are horrible at but we know that when all is said and done we are going to be that much closer to Him. Our faith will be made stronger because we have put our trust solely in Him.

You will do things that will be hard. You will do things that in a million years never would have crossed your mind if it was your choice. You will be grown up and you will be stretched until you don’t think you can possibly be stretched any farther. Sometimes it will hurt but in the end it will be worth it.

　

The whole point of highlighting that chorus is to say this; being obedient to God means doing many different things. You could be called to move halfway around the world. You might even be called to stay exactly where you are at until He calls you to something. Waiting patiently is often an incredible test in obedience in and of itself. I’ll be honest right now that is where I’m at. Trying to plan everything out for myself is getting me no where but my flesh still craves that desire to have things planned out and to be doing something.

Maybe He wants you to love someone that you’d rather not get close to for a myriad of reasons. But the great thing about God is if you rely on Him and not yourself you can do far more than anything imaginable because Holy Spirit is working in you. That encompasses even loving someone that you didn’t think possible. Serving like Christ can be hard because He was amongst the people. He didn’t stick with those who could pay him in return or those who were clean. Jesus was found amongst the sick and the needy. I realize that serving doesn’t just mean those things, there are many different ways you can serve those around you, but don’t let fear of helping those you’d never thought of get in the way of being obedient.

That final line is a big one. It is so powerful because Christ himself was obedient to the will of his father even to the point of death on a cross. Literally, I’m not going to say that God is going to call you to serve somewhere that you are going to do die for it. It’s a definite possibility; there are certainly plenty of people who do so. However, we are called to die to ourselves daily. That daily death is what allows us to be obedient. Is it easy? No, but it has to happen if we are going to follow God like we are called to do.

The Hero Complex and the Common Man

While watching Spider-Man 2 this evening I realized something. It wasn’t anything ground breaking or a new idea that hasn’t been thought of yet. That something happens to be the need for the male gender to be the hero. Think about it, we’ve got superheroes and action movies where one man saves the world as a secret agent of some covert agency. There are movies that depict real heroes like soldiers or first responders but when everything is stripped away there is one thing all the genre’s share; they all center on a hero. Be it human or superhuman we flock to theaters to see the next great adventure. Millions of dollars are spent on children’s toys and costumes as young children play out fantasies where they become their favorite superhero and take down the bad guy.

Grown men (me included) go see these movies. I have no children so I don’t have the excuse that I want to relive my childhood with my kids as Spider-Man slings across the big screen. Maybe part of it is a desire to be nostalgic but I don’t think that is all of it. It seems to me like we are just born with the desire to be the hero. Whether it’s a desire to be praised by the public for heroic deeds done or just wanting to be a hero. Some people consider it a savior complex. A lot of your superheroes’ fall under this category, the need to always be the hero, to save the day and put the bad guy behind bars. But I find it hard to lump Soldiers, Policemen, and Firemen into that particular category. They are just normal people wanting to do good things. What pushes them to do what they do goes far behind a label.

Honestly, I don’t think children have a savior complex. They emulate what they see and what they see is a man or woman, imaginary or real who helps people and the world loves them. That makes them feel good. Imagine being a five year old and watching your favorite superhero knock the bad guy out. What you see isn’t a cartoon, it is real. So far as you are concerned people can fly and throw cars like baseballs just as easily as they can walk. Besides superheroes always win, the bad guy always loses. Real life isn’t so black and white. People don’t fly and it’s a rare occurrence when a person can pick up a car. I’ve yet to hear of one being hurled like a ball, even when someone is full of adrenaline.

So why do men never really grow up? I’m twenty-four. I’ll be honest, if you haven’t already picked up on this fact; I very much enjoy superhero movies. Actually I enjoy movies where the hero always wins and justice prevails. I’m not five even if I spend a great chunk of my time with people around that age so there is not that excuse to lean on. I don’t have kids so I’m not really being nostalgic. I’m one of those guys who on some level desires to be the hero. Not so much to reap heaps of praise but to know that for one moment I wasn’t simply ordinary. Superheroes aren’t normal people; they’ve got powers and skills that enable them to be for lack of a better term super. They are extraordinary individuals who push the bounds of our finite human bodies and do things that we can’t.

Perhaps we are just wired that way, designed to want to save those around us as we were designed to lead. Maybe it is in our genes to want to save the day. Not as a source of pride or some selfish gain just a desire to be useful. For a single moment in time we gain the chance to reach deep within ourselves and summon the courage we never knew we really possessed. Every hero has an origin story, they all start somewhere. And maybe, just maybe we men seek that moment to prove to ourselves that we can change things, we can make a difference when given the chance. That without some super human ability we can be heroes. I’m certain there are probably professionals out there who would deem me a man who can’t let go of his youth. They’d likely say such thoughts are the desires of a man who doesn’t understand how the real world works. I promise I know how the world works. People don’t have super powers. I can also assure you that this is not me saying I want to be thrust into such a situation. Just an honest reflection on the male psyche. I feel pretty confident in saying such things because I am a male.

I’m surrounded by legitimate heroes who don’t happen to wear capes. I know what makes a hero. I just happen to be incredibly interested in why we as men are enamored with such things. There’s got to be a reason for it. I’ve already stated my opinion, it’s just the way we were made. We were created to lead families so it isn’t so far fetched to say that perhaps we were wired to want to be a hero for the simple fact that as a father or a leader you need the courage to sacrifice yourself, to do things you never dreamed of or thought possible for the betterment of those around you.

Sometimes that courage is quiet and is found in the day to day activity of a man providing for his family. Other times that courage roars as it faces gunmen or blazing fires.

Color Blind: A problem

"I'm color blind."

It's a popular stance and there are a lot of people who say it. In my opinion it is not altogether a view that you should take. There are times that being 'colorblind' isn't a bad thing. The way in which we treat people cannot be based upon the color of their skin. However, I'm not sure that being wholly indifferent to the differences in people is Biblical. The Body of Christ is made up of people from all over the world and will one day be made from people of every tribe and nation and tongue according to Revelation 7:9.

Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our Image, according to Our likeness."Genesis 1:26a

"For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, 
When I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;-Psalm 139:13-15

The way we look is a personal thing. God has personally created every person that has been or ever will be on this Earth. He is not like a baker who uses a mold so that each person is exactly the same. There are nuances to us all, things that go beyond the physical. But people don't say I'm personality blind. They say color blind. It seems to me, that in saying that they are expressing their view that it's alright for people to see the differences in personality or skills in each person but unless you ignore skin color you are a horrible person. Let me be clear this isn't a commendation of racism. Racism has no place and isn't Biblical in the slightest. 

I am however condemning the practice of teaching people, children especially, that you shouldn't see the color of someone. The verses above clearly point to the fact that we as people are made in the image of our God. Where is the wrong in that? What is so horrible that we refuse to allow our children to see the glory of God in His children? He has wrought us with his hands in His image. If we can joyfully see and enjoy the differences of flowers and the rest of God's creation why can we not see and enjoy God's handiwork in ourselves?  Not in a narcissistic way but simply admiring the fact that we were made, singly, one at a time in the image of the Creator of all things. The flowers, the animals, the universe; All of those things are beautiful but only people bear God's image. That has to mean something to us. Why can't we see that? When did we become so careful to sound politically correct that we abandoned the truth that God formed us specifically to look like Him? Instead we teach children to only notice that John is a talented athlete or Mary can make anyone laugh but the moment you try and teach a child that every person is created by God and that while we are all people we do look different you have crossed an invisible line. 

Being branded as a racist or a bigot is usually the result. You're an outcast at best. We cannot do such things or hold such views. Look at Psalm 139:14 again. 

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.

Fearfully and wonderfully made! Beautiful words, powerful words. Notice it doesn't say you made me to look and be like everyone else. It says fearfully and wonderfully. Cherish that. You were made by God to be you. You look how you look,  have the personality you have, the likes and dislikes, and to possess the talents that you do because God made you specifically, for a specific purpose. It bears repeating endlessly, God made you  PERSONALLY. 

I realize that this could be a slippery slope and people could spurn me for saying such things. I'm sure that there are people who are out there,maybe who will read this blog that will disagree with me. People that will possibly say that I'm promoting a view of people that isn't helpful to society.  On that I am afraid we will have to agree to disagree. I for one won't ignore the obvious handiwork of my Father. I refuse to be a parent one day who will teach their kids that color doesn't exist. It does, and it's a beautiful thing. Revel in God's handiwork and His choice to make us different. 

As Life Goes On

Today I had the privilege to see one of my best friends in the world walk across the stage at UT's graduation. In that moment a skinny bespectacled kid I met when I was eleven and he was eight became a skinny no longer bespectacled grown man with his life ahead of him and a bachelors in journalism.

Gage Arnold has been there for me since my junior year of high school. Nearly seven years later and he has seen me through countless low points and highs. I've cried with him, prayed with him and for the past four years had many text conversations when he wasn't at home. Mundane topics and serious ones were intermingled with sports talk and the occasional comment about Anna Kendrick. 

Most of the time I refer to him as brother. He might not have been born into my family but he is my brother in all sense of the word.  He has been referred to as brother number 5 by my sister for years. In Greek the word for brother is adelphos, meaning both blood relation and one who is in Christ. Since I've known him I've had the immense privilege to be spurred on in my walk with God by him and I hope vice versa. 

When life gets confusing it's usually Gage that I go to. He's the one who will pray with me and give me advice and just listen to me rant and ramble about what is going on. Those times are quite regular and it's surprising that he still has ears. Likewise it's been great over the years to be able to share with him his own triumphs and valleys. Witnessing how God was moving throughout his life in college as opportunities were placed before him to write for the Daily Beacon and The Knoxville News Sentinel and a trip to Sweden with CRU has been truly amazing. 

In a few months he will start another chapter in his life as this one ends. He will be writing again, this time in Nashville. Life will go on and new experiences will be made. He will no doubt be grown and have a great time doing it. When that chapter ends there is no knowing where he will go next and I cannot wait to watch where God will take this brother of mine next both in his career and in his daily walk with Christ. 

It's exciting to see my friends move on and watching their lives unfold. Though I often wonder where mine will take me and when it will begin. I look forward to many more years of doing life with my best friend and many more talks as life goes on.

Being Hedged Up

We are studying the book of Hosea in the young professionals Bible study. Tonight we started Hosea chapter 2. In verse six it says  'Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns, I will build a wall around her so that she cannot find her paths.'

Being hedged up in this case means being reconciled to God. It is for her protection that she is blocked from going her own way.

It was mentioned tonight that often our immediate response to things happening to us is why are you punishing me God? What have I done that is so bad to deserve this? Eight years ago I found out that I had Kallmans syndrome. This was my initial and immediate response. I was angry and hurt. One byproduct of this syndrome means that barring a miracle more or less I will not have biological children. I can deal with being short, taking testosterone shots every other week and having to take vitamins so that my body can absorb calcium like it's supposed to but this first result was a lot to handle, too much to handle.

From the time I was eight I've wanted to be a father. However as I've gotten older and more recently I've realized that being a father was partly a pride issue. I could look at my kids and say that he or she got this from me or that from me. Not to say that Kalman syndrome was a punishment from God but I do feel like it was His way of showing me that His plan for my future was so much better than the life I had planned and had expected for most of my life up to that point.

Honestly I feel like the reason that biological children are likely not in my future is that He has taken the idea of adoption, an idea that He put in my head when I was very young and magnified that desire so intensely because He knows that as much as I want children that take after me and look like me that deep down all I really want is to be dad. So He is changing and has been changing that desire from kids that looked like me to kids that need a dad.

It's been a long road and I have no doubt that it will continue to be quite the journey likely throughout the rest of my life. I won't lie and say that it isn't hard, it is hard especially lately. There are days that it hits like a hammer and it hurts and I get jealous. I have two new very beautiful baby cousins, one of which I see twice a week at work. Having new babies in the family is usually a very interesting dilemna. While I'm excited that God has put new life in my family and given me new cousins to love on and watch grow up it isn't always easy. The flipside of that is that there are days that I will see a post from Show Hope on Instagram or Facebook or I'll get a newsletter in the mail and I'll see a picture of the face of a  child that needs a family and that hurt is there but the jealousy is not. Those days the hurt isn't why not me, it's the longing to see fatherless in homes and families.

Does all this mean that I do not want biological children? No, but I have learned and I'm learning that the way I want my life to go is not always the best way for it to pan out. 

For now I'll just cling to verses like Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 and trust the fact that the one who saved me has a far better plan no matter how painful or hard it is. In the end it is better and it's worth it because it will ultimately glorify Him and that is exactly what I'm here for.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."-Romans 8:28

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."-Jeremiah 29:11 

So when all is said and done, while being hedged up is not preferred it is far better to be stopped by God even if it hurts than to keep going in your own way and being separated from Him and His will.

The Power of the Written Word

"Every book you've ever read is just a different combination of 26 different letters"-unknown

Thursday evening I went on a great albeit short hike with two of my best friends. When we finished hiking we wound up at Mckay's Used books. If there is a store that I can spend hours in it is a bookstore. This particular trip had a goal of finding The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis & Divergent by Veronica Roth. Unfortunately we didn't find either but if you put me in a bookstore there is a great chance I can point out several books that are worth reading if I know what interests you. I did exactly that as I pointed out title after title of books that I've read and thought would be enjoyed.

I've been reading on my own for at least twenty years of my twenty-four year life. When I was younger I used to take great joy in having my older cousin read to me and then read ahead of her in my head. Because I've been reading so long and I enjoy it so much  I go through books at what many would likely consider an alarming rate. When I was in middle school it was nothing for me to finish three or four books in a weekend. Most books take me a matter of hours to finish if I'm reading them straight through. A fact that annoys my younger brother. A quarter of one wall in my bedroom is dominated by a bookshelf that was once tidy and organized. Now it is overflowing with books and is a hodgepodge rather than neat and tidy space that it was in the beginning. If at all possible I would love to have a library in my own home one day.

Strangely, as much as I enjoy reading and want others to as well I do not loan out my books often. If I allow you to borrow a book know that I trust you. I've spent quite some time amassing the collection I currently have and do not take lightly allowing one of them to be taken from my house because they do represent money spent, or gifts, but they also represent memories. I can tell you how I obtained most of them. More than that they represent different times in my life. Some of them mean much more than others because of the subject matter within them or how I got them.

Still, as many books as I've read over the years it took me an incredibly long time to realize the power that the written word actually has. Think of a book, any book, got it? Good. Now try and remember what you felt while reading it. Did it make you feel good? Surprise you? Maybe it made you cry. Some of the best books can do all of those things within their pages.

As a writer I want to do all of those things. I want to inspire people and surprise them with a twist they never saw coming. A tear shed means they were invested in the lives of characters I put countless hours into bringing to life.  Now I would love to be a bestselling author on the New York Times bestseller list or be the next person to become a millionaire by selling books like J.K. Rowling.  If I could write for a living I would be happy. If I could make a preteen or teenager actually like to read then I would have done my job. A child that reads is a child who has countless options to explore and learn from. It not only means that they have a way to relax but it sets them up educationally.

Jonathan Kozol of Illiterate America reported that 50% of American adults cannot read books on the 8th grade level. If we get children reading now we can fix this! I can't imagine a world where our adults cannot read. If they can't read then they are going to be much more likely to never fully think for themselves. They won't be able to form opinions on things with any real strength because they will have to rely on what others tell them.

I understand the need to get kids outside and moving around and I have no problem with it at all. But when we aren't catering to their brains we are doing something wrong. If a child is going to calm down and be quiet for a time how much better would it be for him to read a book than be put in front of a screen and told to watch? There's a large difference in movies and books. When you watch a movie all of the imagining is done for you. Between the actors and the sets and the costumes designed for every scene you don't need much imagination. Put a book in the hands of a child and they are in control. There are words on the pages to guide them, dialogue and description but it's basic. Their imaginations create what they see and that is important. They get to learn to think about what they are reading and how to understand it.

A moving picture on a screen is much different.  I'm not degrading movies or saying kids shouldn't see them, I highly enjoy movies myself and from a writers standpoint many of them contain deeper themes than your average moviegoer will turn up. I'm just saying that so often we think that kids need to always be moving and if they aren't moving they should be in front of a screen. What happened to sitting down with a kid and reading them a story?

Introduce the kids to words that can inspire them. Give them a world that can excite their imagination and give them something to talk about and get interested in. When they get older chances are that the love of reading won't stop. It certainly didn't with me.

Suffice to say I want to write something that sparks something in someone. I want to know that through whatever crazy idea that happens to fill my head next, a child decides that reading is fun and not a chore. Words are powerful, not just when we say them, but when we write them. I intend to use mine to inspire and build up.

Love:More than a four letter word.

Today I'm going to talk about love.

I'll bet several different things just popped into your head at the mention of those four letters. Maybe you thought of your spouse or your child, your best friend, or any number of other things that the word love evokes in us. I'm not really planning to talk about any specific relationship. There will be no cheesy,mushy talk within this post.

In 1 Corinthians 13 (a passage that is frequently read at weddings) we learn the attributes of love. In that chapter we also learn the attributes of God Himself. God is love. We can love only because he loved us first. It says so in 1 John 4:19. That is a statement that should ground you. Take a minute and really think about it. You can love that person only because God loved you first. Without Him there is no love. Holy Spirit in you is how you are able to love. It's how the selfishness of your flesh can be conquered so you can put another persons needs in front of your own. That is a big deal. We are a society obsessed with self gratification and a vast majority of that is done in an instant thanks to technology. We have instant access to countless television shows and movies, food can be cooked in minutes, family can be reached in a matter of seconds through a telephone call. All of this to say that we look out for ourselves because our flesh craves it. But our flesh doesn't have the last say. It can be fought and wrestled into chains. You can put another person before you. It's not impossible, it might not always be easy but it isn't impossible and God is how we can do that.

Let's take it a step further though. Take away our selfishness and look at love from another vantage point. Love isn't easy, C.S. Lewis said it best. "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.To love at all is to be vulnerable."

That is huge. If we love anything at all person, pet, anything we are opening ourselves to being hurt. That is a dangerous place to be. We don't like to be hurt. So we seal ourselves away from others. Maybe we keep people at arms lengths without letting them in all the way or just don't invest in relationships at all because people being human are going to mess up. Sooner or later you are going to get hurt, intentionally or not, someone someday will hurt you.

Here is the thing though; Love is powerful. A love like God puts within us as His children is like nothing this world will ever be able to replicate. This love means vulnerability. It means you are open and honest and putting yourself out there to get hurt because you are loving others. But this isn't just love between spouses or friends or family. This is how we love the least of these. The people most of the world ignores. It's how we go into poverty stricken places and give our hearts to people that have nothing. We don't receive monetary gifts from them, we get back love. Sometimes we get hurt. It isn't easy getting close to people and loving them with all that is within you only to leave a week, a month, years later because God has called you away. But it's worth it. Telling people of Christ and His love, loving them as we are called to do and growing all the closer to God in doing so is our reward.

That love is what propels people to go to areas where it's not a possibility but a probability they won't return, because there are people all over the world who don't know God and they will seek them out and tell them even if it means they die because of it. Love makes people do things that look insane when in reality they are just acting on an outpouring of the love within them. A love that comes not from another sinful human but a perfect, just, and holy God.

Which brings me to my last point: Love is action. It isn't fluffy words that make you feel good. It is tangible proof, actual action. Telling someone you love them is not nearly as convincing as showing them. We aren't called to say 'I love you.' We are called to show it. God didn't just simply tell us He loved us. He showed us by sending His son to die in our place. We've been given the perfect example of love.

1 john 3:18 "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and truth."

Let yourself love. It's not going to be easy. You are going to get hurt. But it's worth it. We are called by love to love others. So don't just say it, do something about it.