Being Hedged Up

We are studying the book of Hosea in the young professionals Bible study. Tonight we started Hosea chapter 2. In verse six it says  'Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns, I will build a wall around her so that she cannot find her paths.'

Being hedged up in this case means being reconciled to God. It is for her protection that she is blocked from going her own way.

It was mentioned tonight that often our immediate response to things happening to us is why are you punishing me God? What have I done that is so bad to deserve this? Eight years ago I found out that I had Kallmans syndrome. This was my initial and immediate response. I was angry and hurt. One byproduct of this syndrome means that barring a miracle more or less I will not have biological children. I can deal with being short, taking testosterone shots every other week and having to take vitamins so that my body can absorb calcium like it's supposed to but this first result was a lot to handle, too much to handle.

From the time I was eight I've wanted to be a father. However as I've gotten older and more recently I've realized that being a father was partly a pride issue. I could look at my kids and say that he or she got this from me or that from me. Not to say that Kalman syndrome was a punishment from God but I do feel like it was His way of showing me that His plan for my future was so much better than the life I had planned and had expected for most of my life up to that point.

Honestly I feel like the reason that biological children are likely not in my future is that He has taken the idea of adoption, an idea that He put in my head when I was very young and magnified that desire so intensely because He knows that as much as I want children that take after me and look like me that deep down all I really want is to be dad. So He is changing and has been changing that desire from kids that looked like me to kids that need a dad.

It's been a long road and I have no doubt that it will continue to be quite the journey likely throughout the rest of my life. I won't lie and say that it isn't hard, it is hard especially lately. There are days that it hits like a hammer and it hurts and I get jealous. I have two new very beautiful baby cousins, one of which I see twice a week at work. Having new babies in the family is usually a very interesting dilemna. While I'm excited that God has put new life in my family and given me new cousins to love on and watch grow up it isn't always easy. The flipside of that is that there are days that I will see a post from Show Hope on Instagram or Facebook or I'll get a newsletter in the mail and I'll see a picture of the face of a  child that needs a family and that hurt is there but the jealousy is not. Those days the hurt isn't why not me, it's the longing to see fatherless in homes and families.

Does all this mean that I do not want biological children? No, but I have learned and I'm learning that the way I want my life to go is not always the best way for it to pan out. 

For now I'll just cling to verses like Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 and trust the fact that the one who saved me has a far better plan no matter how painful or hard it is. In the end it is better and it's worth it because it will ultimately glorify Him and that is exactly what I'm here for.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."-Romans 8:28

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."-Jeremiah 29:11 

So when all is said and done, while being hedged up is not preferred it is far better to be stopped by God even if it hurts than to keep going in your own way and being separated from Him and His will.

The Power of the Written Word

"Every book you've ever read is just a different combination of 26 different letters"-unknown

Thursday evening I went on a great albeit short hike with two of my best friends. When we finished hiking we wound up at Mckay's Used books. If there is a store that I can spend hours in it is a bookstore. This particular trip had a goal of finding The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis & Divergent by Veronica Roth. Unfortunately we didn't find either but if you put me in a bookstore there is a great chance I can point out several books that are worth reading if I know what interests you. I did exactly that as I pointed out title after title of books that I've read and thought would be enjoyed.

I've been reading on my own for at least twenty years of my twenty-four year life. When I was younger I used to take great joy in having my older cousin read to me and then read ahead of her in my head. Because I've been reading so long and I enjoy it so much  I go through books at what many would likely consider an alarming rate. When I was in middle school it was nothing for me to finish three or four books in a weekend. Most books take me a matter of hours to finish if I'm reading them straight through. A fact that annoys my younger brother. A quarter of one wall in my bedroom is dominated by a bookshelf that was once tidy and organized. Now it is overflowing with books and is a hodgepodge rather than neat and tidy space that it was in the beginning. If at all possible I would love to have a library in my own home one day.

Strangely, as much as I enjoy reading and want others to as well I do not loan out my books often. If I allow you to borrow a book know that I trust you. I've spent quite some time amassing the collection I currently have and do not take lightly allowing one of them to be taken from my house because they do represent money spent, or gifts, but they also represent memories. I can tell you how I obtained most of them. More than that they represent different times in my life. Some of them mean much more than others because of the subject matter within them or how I got them.

Still, as many books as I've read over the years it took me an incredibly long time to realize the power that the written word actually has. Think of a book, any book, got it? Good. Now try and remember what you felt while reading it. Did it make you feel good? Surprise you? Maybe it made you cry. Some of the best books can do all of those things within their pages.

As a writer I want to do all of those things. I want to inspire people and surprise them with a twist they never saw coming. A tear shed means they were invested in the lives of characters I put countless hours into bringing to life.  Now I would love to be a bestselling author on the New York Times bestseller list or be the next person to become a millionaire by selling books like J.K. Rowling.  If I could write for a living I would be happy. If I could make a preteen or teenager actually like to read then I would have done my job. A child that reads is a child who has countless options to explore and learn from. It not only means that they have a way to relax but it sets them up educationally.

Jonathan Kozol of Illiterate America reported that 50% of American adults cannot read books on the 8th grade level. If we get children reading now we can fix this! I can't imagine a world where our adults cannot read. If they can't read then they are going to be much more likely to never fully think for themselves. They won't be able to form opinions on things with any real strength because they will have to rely on what others tell them.

I understand the need to get kids outside and moving around and I have no problem with it at all. But when we aren't catering to their brains we are doing something wrong. If a child is going to calm down and be quiet for a time how much better would it be for him to read a book than be put in front of a screen and told to watch? There's a large difference in movies and books. When you watch a movie all of the imagining is done for you. Between the actors and the sets and the costumes designed for every scene you don't need much imagination. Put a book in the hands of a child and they are in control. There are words on the pages to guide them, dialogue and description but it's basic. Their imaginations create what they see and that is important. They get to learn to think about what they are reading and how to understand it.

A moving picture on a screen is much different.  I'm not degrading movies or saying kids shouldn't see them, I highly enjoy movies myself and from a writers standpoint many of them contain deeper themes than your average moviegoer will turn up. I'm just saying that so often we think that kids need to always be moving and if they aren't moving they should be in front of a screen. What happened to sitting down with a kid and reading them a story?

Introduce the kids to words that can inspire them. Give them a world that can excite their imagination and give them something to talk about and get interested in. When they get older chances are that the love of reading won't stop. It certainly didn't with me.

Suffice to say I want to write something that sparks something in someone. I want to know that through whatever crazy idea that happens to fill my head next, a child decides that reading is fun and not a chore. Words are powerful, not just when we say them, but when we write them. I intend to use mine to inspire and build up.

Love:More than a four letter word.

Today I'm going to talk about love.

I'll bet several different things just popped into your head at the mention of those four letters. Maybe you thought of your spouse or your child, your best friend, or any number of other things that the word love evokes in us. I'm not really planning to talk about any specific relationship. There will be no cheesy,mushy talk within this post.

In 1 Corinthians 13 (a passage that is frequently read at weddings) we learn the attributes of love. In that chapter we also learn the attributes of God Himself. God is love. We can love only because he loved us first. It says so in 1 John 4:19. That is a statement that should ground you. Take a minute and really think about it. You can love that person only because God loved you first. Without Him there is no love. Holy Spirit in you is how you are able to love. It's how the selfishness of your flesh can be conquered so you can put another persons needs in front of your own. That is a big deal. We are a society obsessed with self gratification and a vast majority of that is done in an instant thanks to technology. We have instant access to countless television shows and movies, food can be cooked in minutes, family can be reached in a matter of seconds through a telephone call. All of this to say that we look out for ourselves because our flesh craves it. But our flesh doesn't have the last say. It can be fought and wrestled into chains. You can put another person before you. It's not impossible, it might not always be easy but it isn't impossible and God is how we can do that.

Let's take it a step further though. Take away our selfishness and look at love from another vantage point. Love isn't easy, C.S. Lewis said it best. "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.To love at all is to be vulnerable."

That is huge. If we love anything at all person, pet, anything we are opening ourselves to being hurt. That is a dangerous place to be. We don't like to be hurt. So we seal ourselves away from others. Maybe we keep people at arms lengths without letting them in all the way or just don't invest in relationships at all because people being human are going to mess up. Sooner or later you are going to get hurt, intentionally or not, someone someday will hurt you.

Here is the thing though; Love is powerful. A love like God puts within us as His children is like nothing this world will ever be able to replicate. This love means vulnerability. It means you are open and honest and putting yourself out there to get hurt because you are loving others. But this isn't just love between spouses or friends or family. This is how we love the least of these. The people most of the world ignores. It's how we go into poverty stricken places and give our hearts to people that have nothing. We don't receive monetary gifts from them, we get back love. Sometimes we get hurt. It isn't easy getting close to people and loving them with all that is within you only to leave a week, a month, years later because God has called you away. But it's worth it. Telling people of Christ and His love, loving them as we are called to do and growing all the closer to God in doing so is our reward.

That love is what propels people to go to areas where it's not a possibility but a probability they won't return, because there are people all over the world who don't know God and they will seek them out and tell them even if it means they die because of it. Love makes people do things that look insane when in reality they are just acting on an outpouring of the love within them. A love that comes not from another sinful human but a perfect, just, and holy God.

Which brings me to my last point: Love is action. It isn't fluffy words that make you feel good. It is tangible proof, actual action. Telling someone you love them is not nearly as convincing as showing them. We aren't called to say 'I love you.' We are called to show it. God didn't just simply tell us He loved us. He showed us by sending His son to die in our place. We've been given the perfect example of love.

1 john 3:18 "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and truth."

Let yourself love. It's not going to be easy. You are going to get hurt. But it's worth it. We are called by love to love others. So don't just say it, do something about it.