One Big Facade

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWIpQuGwSyQ (Copy the link don't click or you will be redirected)

I sit and I listen to Eric Dill teach on Wednesday nights. And every Wednesday I walk away with something. This doesn't surprise me at all. I've known Eric for a very long time. He was my youth pastor in 7th and 8th grade but I knew him before that because my oldest brother went to Seminary with him for awhile. I don't know exactly when I met Eric but from the very first night I heard him teach when I was twelve, God used Eric to teach me. In the years he's been in my life he has become far more than just a pastor to me. He's taken time out while he was working and sat and listened to me. Oddly enough both times I've taught on a Wednesday night happened after a talk with him. But tonight he gave a sermon that hit me hard. The series he's going through right now is called Scarred. Tonight he had the students and the adults fill out cards that had two questions on it. What has happened in your life that has left you scarred and How do deal with it. 

He read a few of the cards and every card seemed to bury itself into my heart. The things the students are dealing with that we don't ever see are completely crazy. The worst part is most of the time we don't even know about them. These kids walk through the doors on Wednesday night and they act completely normal.  Nothing goes on that seems wrong. It's not like they walk around wearing signs that say 'This is happening to me help'. So many of them are hurting and we just don't know how bad. I can't put into words exactly how that makes me feel. For a guy who wants to write, who writes when he can't get things out by talking because he can be completely honest when he writes, thats bad.  There is a book by Terri Blackstock called The Listener, if you can find it I highly recommend you read it. In it a man finds himself suddenly able to see people's deepest needs. He doesn't see the facade they put it on. He can see through the mask to what their heart is saying. Eventually he realizes that God has given him the ability for a reason and he uses it. I wonder what the world would be like if we could see into people's hearts and see what they need.

Not the mask they wear so people think everything is okay. I'm talking truly see what they need. How do we get so busy that we don't seem to see people for who they really are? Are we so selfish we ignore them even when we do know something is wrong? Do we sit and think 'Well it's okay somebody else will help them?' We can't do that. We as believers are called to help others. We are called to show them the love of Christ. How many people around you are hurting and you don't even know it? Better yet how many people around you need help and you know what they need? HELP THEM! Maybe you think it's not that simple. But the problem is it really is. Maybe they are going through something that you can't actually do something physically for them. That's okay, no matter what they are going through you can pray for them. Prayer it's such a powerful tool but people often overlook it! Prayer is their for a reason. 

I see all these middle schoolers on Wednesday night, many of them I know, and now I wonder how many of them are going through something right now that I don't know about. How many times have I asked how they were doing and gotten 'I'm good' and their lives have been complete crap. It's sad to think that there are kids that I see myself as fairly close to that are going through things that I don't even know about. How often do we get asked how we are and lie about it? We aren't supposed to do that. If we have problems we should talk to somebody about them. Your probably sitting their thinking 'You don't know what's going on in my life. If you did you wouldn't be telling me to talk to somebody.' Guess what I don't but I'm telling you to talk to someone. Talk to someone you trust a friend, parents, if you happen to know me and want to talk to me about it then talk to me. Just talk to somebody. Tell God! 

"Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."-Philippians 4:6

Giving God your problems will give you peace. I've been there I know.

"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give. Do not let your heart be troubled;Nor let it be fearful"-John 14:27

Please Please Please don't sit there and think your the only one that's going through what your going through. Chances are somebody has gone through the very thing your going through now and can help you. Don't wait until you just can't handle it anymore. Talk,Pray, do something about it.

Watch the people around you. See if you can see the need beneath the mask. Help those who need it don't ignore them. You never know you may be the one person who reaches out and helps someone who needs it because no one else will take the time to do it. 

I hope you got something out of this. Apparently God decided that I needed to share this because it's 1:02 am and I'm supposed to be at work in about 7 and a half hours. But when he moves me to write I do it. He's the one whose given me the ability to write in the first place. The least I can do is use it for his glory. 

1 Samuel 16:7-Jared

The Fatherless

"Defend the orphan..."-Isaiah 1:17b
Adoption, it's a cause and a calling that is very important to me personally. From a very young age I can remember that word being used every so often in my house. My oldest brother Trey used to ask myself and my younger brother Cody if we would like to have a little sister from China. Although it was never looked into any farther than that, the simple mention of doing such a thing was my first taste of something that even then was becoming important to me. It wasn't something that I thought about that often but back then I wasn't exactly wondering what I would do in the future. Even though when I was younger I knew I wanted kids the idea of adopting wasn't the way I pictured my children entering my family. Then again at that age I didn't even know where kids came from. If it helps you understand me any better I also wanted to be married at that age not that I had the slightest idea of what marriage was.

I grew though and as I grew I learned about what adoption was. Being honest the more I learned about it for lack of a better word the cooler it sounded. I know cool isn't exactly how most view adoption but that's the best way I can describe it from my point of view before I was at the very least fifteen. Still it wasn't exactly a concrete idea or anything. It was still just an idea. It was then more of a 'I would like to do that' kind of thing. Even at fifteen it was still just a thought. That's pretty much how it stayed for another year, as nothing more than idea. I can't say that it was something that I had really looked into at that point. But still having a family of my own was something I wanted and adoption still lurked at the recesses of my mind. I was sixteen when it happened, sitting on one of those examining table things in the doctors office.

It was at one of my checkups with my endocronologist who I was seeing because of my Kallmann's Syndrome. By then I had learned that because of  it I would never smell much, wouldn't be very tall, and physically my body was younger than  regular guys my age. At the age of sixteen I had the bones of a thirteen year old. All side effects that I could deal with. The lack of smell didn't bother me, you can't miss something you never had. Although I can smell a few things the list is few, even though I discover on occasion that I can smell things that I never paid much attention too before. My height I had dealt with my entire life. I'm not 5'4" I don't think and as much as my lack of height annoys me I learned to deal with it. My bone age to be perfectly honestly with you  amused me. It sounds strange but it basically made me much like Wolverine. The superhero has the physical appearance of a man who was in his thirties but he's much older.

Those were things that didn't bother me. It wasn't until I was told in detail what the absence of LH hormone would mean for me that I was given something that I couldn't just simply get used too. LH hormone is needed for males to have children. My body doesn't produce it. Ironically enough the absence of that hormone is related to why I can't smell. At sixteen being told that having biological children wouldn't be easy was in short having everything that I had dreamed of for my future crushed. I've always wanted kids. I want a big family. I've got four siblings, and I want a family of my own one day. It didn't take but a few words from my doctors mouth to end that.  After this was explained to me I was told there was a way to remedy my lack of LH Hormone. It's basically an insulin pump that will inject LH Hormone into my blood stream instead of insulin. It wouldn't be easy but it was the only way currently known to help.

Right about then was the first time I have ever gotten mad at God. I didn't understand why it had to happen to me. Why couldn't that happen to some guy who doesn't want kids so it wouldn't be a problem. I could deal with everything else just fine. Sure I would like to be tall but I can deal with my height and everything else. I started asking why at that point and I didn't let up. Why was I the one who wouldn't get to have a family? What had I done for this to happen to me? Why out of all the people in the world did God have to choose me to give this too. I didn't want this. I never asked for something like this. I was a good person. That went on for a long time. It's not something that I'm proud of but I did it. It was a long time and took a lot of praying and reading my Bible until I finally reached the point to where I just gave it up. If God was going to do this to me there had to be a reason for it. So I prayed and I waited.

It's strange that I'm writing this now considering the series the Middle School kids at church are doing right now. When I finally let God have control of the situation I eventually realized that there was a reason I had Kallmann's. For the greatest part of my walk with God I had never really thought about what God's will for my future was as far as having a family. It had never occurred to me that this was God's way of bringing to light why adoption stuck with me so long and why it has as of now become a very important thing to me. This was God's plan for my life all along. I'm going to have the family he wants me to have. It hasn't been but probably the last two years that adoption has become a plan and not just an idea. I know that it's not an easy thing to do. I've spent quite awhile researching it and the difference organizations that adopt. The entire thing is made more difficult by the fact that I feel like adopting a little girl from China is where God is leading me in the future.

By now some of you reading this might think I'm crazy. I'm not married I'm only twenty among other things.  I realize this but there is a reason why I said its where I feel he's leading me in the future. That is later on not right now.  There are times on occasion when I think I'm crazy for this. If only for the reason that adoption isn't an easy thing to do. For starters unlike having children you have to be approved to adopt a child. The way I see it if this is God's will for my life than it's going to happen when he wants it too. No matter what the odds are or the difficulties, what is seen as a problem for us is nothing for God. That is why my trust is in the One who created me and saved me.

Every Christmas the Middle School & High School student Ministry at Church collect money and purchase presents for 2-3 children at Tennessee Baptist Children Home. We throw them a party and hang out with them for awhile. Over the years I've done quite a few things as far as service projects go and that kind of thing with the Church. But by far those parties are my favorite thing we do. For one night those kids get to have Christmas just like everyone else. They get to laugh and have fun, they get presents but they also get to hear about Jesus. The reason it is done in the first place. And every year on that night I feel the pull getting stronger to adopt.

My intention when I started writing this was not to tell you about Kallmann's. But it gives some insight on why adoption is important to me. I've told Gage before that I learned awhile ago that writing happens only when God gives me the inspiration. I lack the ability to write anything otherwise. This is what I mean by that. I started writing this because of how I feel about adoption and what is coming up. In a month and six days which is November 7th, Orphan Day is happening. It's an event I heard about two Sunday nights ago while I was trying to go to bed and was listening to WayFM. It's a nationwide event shedding light on the cause of Orphans. It is a call to believers and Churches to get informed on the need of Orphans and to pray about what they can do to help.

I want to thank you for reading this. I know it wasn't short and maybe not even easy to understand. And I realized as I wrote this that what I've written is the most in depth I've ever gone into how Kallmann's Syndrome effects me. The majority of which my closest friends do not know. I want to tell you now it is not because I didn't trust you because I do, you all have helped make me who I am today. Without you there is no telling how quiet and anti-social I would be at this point. It is mainly because it is not a subject I talk about. Not for lack of trust or even of pride, simply because there are certain points of it that I can't exactly just bring up in a casual conversation. I love you all and thank God for the relationships I have with you. Again I want to thank you for taking the time to read this and hope that it gives you insight into the cause of the Fatherless.
1 Samuel 16:7-Jared