The Blessing of No

Today I dug a ditch and put in pipe to hopefully redirect excessive amounts of rain water (like we've had lately) so our chicken pens don't flood. Working in a muddy pen isn't enjoyable, it leads to a fair of amount of slipping, that in turn leads to falling in deep mud mixed with chicken poop.

I do my best thinking when I'm moving. If I'm sitting down that movement can be anything from fooling with a pen in my hands or playing with my goatee. I wrangle the thoughts I get while thinking by writing which is why this blog exists.  Today was no different. I had plenty of time to think because it took me quite awhile to dig and this is what I came up with at the end of the day.

God saying 'No' is a blessing.

If you'd asked me last year why I liked the song "I Will Go" by Starfield I would have told you because of missions. I was listening to that song today and singing it (none of my neighbors could hear me over the revving engine of the corvette two houses up) and a particular line caught my attention;Where you want me I will be.  Up until a few months ago in The Problem With Dreaming I hadn't really reconciled my current inability to do missions like I want to and God's sovereignty. Today I heard that line and I realized that where He wants me isn't in Africa.

Two Sundays ago was our Mission Sunday when we take up the Lottie Moon Offering and do our Missions Fair (one of my favorite annual services) and for the first time I was glad to be a sender. I was fine with seeing how God was working in those He called across the globe and it felt good to know I had a part in them going.

What occurred to me today while digging and getting caked in mud was that 'no' was a blessing. If you follow me on any social media platform I'm on;Facebook,Twitter,Instagram, you will have by now seen plenty of posts pertaining to farming usually ended with #futurefarmer. The majority of my Christmas presents were farming books, I picked up another on dairy goats yesterday. I've spent the past two years dealing with chickens (happily) and the last several months researching on pigs,goats,sheep, and mini cattle. I've said several times while full time missions isn't my calling I wouldn't mind teaching sustainability on short term trips. Oddly enough knee deep in mud today I concluded that the 'no' to what I thought was a good thing in my going to Africa was a good thing.

Five or ten years down the road when I (hopefully) have a farm of my own and enough knowledge to share it is exciting to think that I could teach people God has called to the mission field and they could take that to the nations as a way of spreading the gospel. Building things for people is great but teaching them and then letting them do it themselves is better. I don't want to do something for someone that they can already do themselves. That isn't helpful and it just creates a system of dependency that makes things worse. But, if second-hand I'm able to help a family in Africa or personally somewhere here, learn to raise their own food so they can eat, then I'm not hurting or creating dependency. What I am doing is helping someone not only take care of themselves I've opened a way to get to know people personally so the gospel can be shared. If things work out how I hope they do with this future farm of mine I hope to use the skills I learn to fund the people God calls in a less conventional way, by selling fresh meat, cheese, and vegetables.

My 'no' means I am able to help others do what God has called them to do. I won't say it is easy all the time because I do still long to go to Africa on a mission trip but understanding that not getting what I want is for my good makes things easier. God certainly knows what he's got planned for my life and thus far it has been full of surprises. The trust I'm building now can only help me later and hopefully others if I get the chance. Where God wants me isn't halfway across the world but right here where I've lived my entire life. There is a chance that will change but for now I'm where I need to be (even if there are times when I want my feet caked in red dust and to be surrounded by a people who speak a language I don't rather than chicken poop and mud)

It is strange to think that my wanting to live on a farm when I was little (I blame my father) has become something I plan on doing now. Hours of research and book,article, and blog reading is just another step in doing what God has for me, it wasn't what I expected when I was younger but I've learned life rarely turns out the way you expect it and that is a good thing.

So understand this, next time God says no remember that it is for your better. He isn't giving you what you want He's giving you what you need. Your good for His Glory. There isn't a better trade-off and we come out with the rewards in the end. A 'no' isn't going to be easy to swallow but its worth is immeasurable. He knows far better what is good for us and as a good and loving Father He is going to give it to us.

 For your listening pleasure I've included this fantastic song. You should give it a listen.

 

The Oldest Story in the World.

"It's the oldest story in the world. One day you're seventeen and planning for someday, and then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today, and that someday is yesterday and this is your life."-Nathan Scott


It's Christmas Eve and I've come home from another Christmas Eve service at church. Only this one has been different from all the rest. This time it hit me that my friends and I are actually grown. For the first time in as long as I can remember all my friends were not at the service. We didn't stay after to take pictures and hang out for awhile. The service ended and we went in different directions, to work, with family, or in Gage's case waiting to come home from Nashville.

Growing up is a strange thing. Like the quote above it somehow sneaks up on you. It doesn't matter that you know that you are getting older. Somehow it is relatively easy to just hang on to the moments of freedom and staying out late, the next thing you know you've blinked and that doesn't happen anymore. You've got responsibilities and it is harder to get everyone together. Maybe that is what makes the time when you are all together all the sweeter, when you realize that the forging of memories is serious business if only because at some point memories are harder to make and being able to recall times when life was less hectic and things seemed much more carefree is comforting.

This is the natural order of things. You plan for someday, you know that at some point you won't be able to do all the things you did in High School or in College, but then that time comes and it feels so sudden and you weren't entirely prepared. Then you take a step back and realize someday is now and life will never be quite the same. Things change but that is how it is supposed to be. It isn't easy but it is good. We weren't meant to stay teenagers forever, at some point we have to grow up, sometimes that means we go in different directions and not being near each other.

But the crux of friendship isn't about the physical closeness so much as knowing that these people will be there for you when you need it. These are the people who know you best and distance doesn't  change that. 

So to whom it may concern, I look forward to the story continuing through the years we might be adults but that certainly hasn't stopped us yet.


(A/N:1000 points if you understand the reference of the quote without looking it up)

 

Of Refugees and Dilemma's

I'm going to forewarn you that this post has no real conclusion.

Friday night when the world was changing in a hail of gunfire and explosions in Paris, I was putting my luggage on a bus to go on a retreat with the Middle School Ministry at church. Most of that ride was balanced between laughing at horrible puns and worse alibi's coming from the mouths of a bunch of boys trying to play the game Mafia and following BBC on twitter and their app. Saturday morning meant watching as much news as I could during breakfast and checking twitter when I got the chance.

Now, three full days later the United States is in arms as Syrian refugees that were eventually going to find asylum here are being fought tooth and nail against. Herein lies the dilemma of this post and the only actual point I have to make. A point that has no actual conclusion because I've not reached a conclusion on the issue.

I'm no stranger to writing things that on the internet and even among my family could make people angry. Abortion is the usual hot-button issue I wrestle with and I've got quite a bit of family who find it alright, I consider it murder. This post will be no different. In fact it is probably safe to say after seeing my facebook news feed that the majority of my Facebook 'friends' will disagree heavily with what I'm going to say. To be frank I don't actually care. I'm writing this more for my own sanity than anything else. The life of a writer means having a head full of thoughts that have to be wrestled with and taken down. Otherwise I don't function as well as I should because my focus is divided in heavy favor of the issue I'm trying to figure out.

Most of my news feed today has been full of people sharing articles on the states that are pushing back against Refugee safety cities and why it needs to happen, how people are crazy to think that Asylum is a good idea. Most of them I've read, some of them I've ignored in favor of being both ashamed and amused at the comments left on them. I told you this post would have no conclusion and you are about to find out why.

I'm divided on this issue myself. I understand the logic of Syria being a hotbed for ISIS and that they can use the asylum as an easy way to enter the states. That isn't a flawed logic entirely. It could happen. But if you fail to take into account the number of American people who are in favor of ISIS (google it there are plenty of stories where they've been found out) you are overlooking a problem we already have. There are already people who were born here who want to help ISIS. But I also understand the fear of what could happen if they are allowed to come. Why make it easier? Even knowing that there are people foolish enough to support Islamic State never really made the fear creep up like Friday did.

My hometown was attacked 5 months ago to the day in an act of terrorism that shook this state and the rest of America, though not so much our President. Mostly it was used as a debate on guns more than anything else though that is neither here nor there. So I get the fear, I understand how bad things could have been and that such an act could still happen here. Part of me agrees with the stopping of Asylum because of ISIS.

The other part of me though remembers Matthew 25:34-40

 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,  I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?  And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’  And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

This isn't an easy thing to deal with. How to reconcile a Biblical mandate with the logic of knowing that ISIS isn't stupid enough to not see this as an opportunity is a struggle. Because I understand that this is something we are called to do. These refugees qualify as the least of these. They've run from their homes because of the very people who attacked France and could infiltrate them to hurt us. They need help, their is absolutely no way to look at them and not see that. Because if you can look at them and decide they are someone elses problem you're blinded by the fact that they come from a place they cannot control. Their birthplace is no more a matter under their control than their skin color.

How in the world do you take the mandate to help the least of these and bind it to the logic of terrorism that is so incredibly likely? I haven't figured that out yet. It is very much a dilemma to me right now that I can't figure out.

I can tell you how not to do it though. All these people calling for Islam to stop being practiced in America are doing it wrong. Freedom of Religion is in the constitution. They've got the right to worship as they choose. Is it a religion of peace? No ,from what I can tell Islam is the exact opposite. You want to stop the practice of Islam? Go love your neighbor. You want people to see Christ love, then love them. Yelling for their religion to be illegal isn't love, it is hate and it isn't going to help your cause at all. If anything you are just going to make them that much less likely to see you as 'Christlike'. Treat them as human and maybe God can use you to call them to Himself. Hate them and you are no better than they are. Why do I say that? Because if you are using every opportunity you have around them to tell them how horrible they are it's going to be incredibly hard for you to share the gospel with them. If they die without hearing that gospel and being drawn by it they go to Hell. So in reality you've taken a chance at saving their lives and used it instead to hate. You might not use suicide belts or guns but you've dealt a blow far worse than physical death. You're sending them to Hell and dying physically is nothing compared to that.

I spent the last two Wednesdays teaching our Middle School students at Church on Philippians 1:21.

 "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain."

One of the biggest points I made is that living like Christ means loving people who hate you. Christ loved people who hated him. He came to die for people who hated him, people like you and I. People like ISIS. People who follow Islam. You and I are not better off than ISIS. There are no good and bad people. There are people who've been made alive in Christ and people who are dead, there is nothing else. Please, don't tell me that you love God but want to kill all Muslims. That isn't how that works. I can name plenty of people who've died going to share the gospel and love people who hate Christ, five of whom I mentioned just this past Wednesday.  They took a risk knowing that it might mean they died but they also knew that these people needed to know the love of Christ. The kind of love that means loving people who hate you no matter the cost. The kind of love that can spur the family of a murdered man to live with his murderers and raise his children among them. (Google End of the Spear. It will give you all the information you need)

You can't be an example of Christ by hating people.

I told you this post would have no conclusion and it doesn't. I'm no closer to aligning either way on the issue than I was when I started writing. I can see points on both sides. Safety is a big issue. Following Christ is a bigger one. When He said the least of these He meant it. But I don't know how to correlate that with the threat of ISIS because I don't know that inviting them in to slaughter us is altogether the Christian thing to do either. We can't share the gospel if we are dead and don't get the chance to speak about Christ. All I know is hate isn't the right answer and that for now is what I'm sticking with. 

Another Orphan Sunday

Orphans should be lifted up and cared for every day but today is special. Today is Orphan Sunday. Globally it is a day when churches have special services geared toward the fatherless. A single day when the focus can be on those who we are called to care for, the one's who have no voice of their own. I wrote my first Orphan Sunday blog post three years ago. I can't promise you many new things that you've not already seen me write at this point. There is only so much I can say on the subject without repeating myself.

With that said I do want to say this;I both love and hate this day. This is a day I wait for every year, eagerly countind down days and praying leading up to it. A time when I can lift up the fatherless and know that my brothers and sisters around the world are doing the same. There is something incredibly unifying and powerful when you know that you aren't alone in praying for a need. This morning our middle schoolers prayed for those children who need families. Most of these students don't understand why Terry told them that I probably knew more about today than he did. I don't know that any of them but my niece know that what a day like today means to me and why it means what it does.

I also hate this day. I long for the day when there will be no more orphans. When there won't be a child in this world who doesn't have a family.  The reason the day even exists is because there is a need. Take care of the need and the day won't be celebrated any longer. So as much as I wait for this day every year I cannot wait until the first November Sunday when Orphan Sunday no longer exists because there are no children without families to call their own. Maybe that will happen this side of Heaven and maybe it won't.

I know that until that day comes my God is the Father to the fatherless and He hears the cries of those who lift them up to Him.

This morning's sermon was on God's love and knowing God's love. Most of my morning was spent sitting in a church pew pondering over the fact that this love that conquers all is a love that these children need more than anything else. They need God more than they need parents because those parents will mess up. Much as they try those parents can't heal old hurt but the love of God can. His love can break down walls put up for protection. His love can soften a heart that has known nothing but abandonment. His love is the only one that won't fail or forsake them. God cannot and will not abandon them. He is always faithful and always good. A parent can try their hardest but at some point they will mess up because they are human. God cannot mess up, he cannot make a mistake, if He did He wouldn't be God. We can seek to love these children with all our might but our love is only going to go so far because it is only designed to go to a certain point. We are not meant to be the ultimate love, even as a parent, that is for God and Him alone.

I wrote a rather lengthy post on the gospel and orphan care last month and it can be found under that title so I won't go into detail again but I will say this-God adopts us as children when we can give Him nothing, do nothing good, and are worthless. What we become as His children are beloved heirs to His kingdom who through the Holy Spirit can do far more than we imagine as God works through us. Adoption works much the same way. These are children who can offer nothing but need everything, they matter to God so they should matter to us.

I tend to laugh at those who feel like their lives are ending when they reach thirty as if reaching that age is like being cursed. I suppose that is because for me it is like a magic number. Thirty is the minimum age requirement to adopt from China. I've been counting down the years for roughly seven years now. Every Orphan Sunday means I'm only two months from being one year closer to thirty. Come January 20th that count will be four more years. 1460 more days until I'm thirty from that day. While I do not yet meet the other requirements needed, marriage being the other big hurdle, thirty is a starting point.

So while I wait I pray. I pray for 147 million children who need to know love. I pray for families who will be called or have been called to adopt and are stuck in the maze of red tape waiting to bring home sons and daughters and brothers and sisters. I pray for the next generation of young people who will be called to this specific cause. Christians everywhere are called to speak up for the orphan. Some are called to do more.

But I also pray for myself. That I will wait well and I won't waste that time. That I can fight the many feelings that such waiting invokes because not all of them are good. But mostly I pray that if and when the time comes that I can be the father that I should, lead as I should, and show my children that as much as I love them there is one who loves them far more.

"Defend the cause of the fatherless..."Isaiah 1:17

Community Matters

I almost titled this four strands of rope in homage to the very first 3 Ninjas movie in which the importance of family and team work are ingrained into the brothers. Instead I will keep it simple-Community Matters.

This has been a long time coming. The gist of this has been floating around in my head for about two weeks now. I had planned on writing it last weekend while dog sitting and then I got sick so I did nothing but read and watch a lot of Vet School on Nat Geo Wild. Then I came home finally got over my sickness and have spent the last few days studying about cows, pigs, and sheep for the farm I plan on owning when I get the money to afford such a place. You would think that such research has nothing to do with community, and it doesn't really, except my main conspirator other than my father in this future venture is one of my best friends who has been with me every step of the way listening to my ramblings on sheep breeds and money breakdowns. (Thanks Adelphos)

Now, for the important things. I mentioned in my last two posts that I go to a Bible Study on Tuesday nights. That is where the idea for this post started, Bible Study. We've been going for two years and I've known a majority of these people most of my life. Even that didn't mean being vulnerable and open came easy. It took quite some time before these people heard it all, the hard stuff included, not just the happy stuff that is social media worthy. I can remember the first time I really opened up during the study of Hosea, the results of that night became a post and you can find it under the title Hedged Up.

Why is that important? Because, we aren't meant to do life alone. It isn't biblical and we weren't created that way. We were created for community. The Church is a body, made up of parts that have to work together. If one part doesn't do its job then the body suffers. By the same token if a member of the body is hurt the rest of the body surrounds it and helps. I can find no better example of this than my sister Nikki. Two years ago she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. By the grace of God she's been cancer free for a year. Then again it can easily be said on the basis of Romans 8:28 that the grace of God is why she had it in the first place. God made my sister much stronger through it, it was for her good, no matter the ugly shape that it took.

Anyway, her first surgery happened just a day or so after a Tuesday night bible study. So as is our modus operandi we took prayer request that night and I had some of my favorite people in the world praying for my favorite sister in the world. It didn't stop that night though. The day dawned and my phone was making all manner of noises from texts and twitter notification from these brothers and sisters of mine telling me that they were praying for Nikki, not just my sister, but theirs because of Christ. I've seen the body of Christ do some pretty amazing things around the world but I don't know that I will see that topped. Mostly because it was personal but also because I got a front row seat to seeing how the body was supposed to work.

In these past two years I've sat in our circle, sometimes a crude example of the shape as we've gathered on couches and chairs and sometimes picnic tables, and I've listened and learned and let myself be open. I'm not by nature an open person. Introverted, I tend to err on the side of letting what I'm feeling stay hidden unless you're one of  a select few people.These people, the community of Auxano have changed that. I do not go in gushing every detail of my life but I know I don't have to hide. Repeatedly God has used them to show me things. Sometimes good things, what and how others see me still astounds me (like I said I'm an introvert and I am not a fan of attention). Other times my shortcomings are revealed but that is most often accomplished by discussion and God pointing out where I'm not doing as I should.  Though I have no doubt one of these brothers or sisters of mine would be willing to do the right thing and help me by showing me something wrong in my life if they saw it.

These last few posts have been of the latter variety. We do not shy away from the hard passages, we dig into them. In discussing them my lack of trust, my idolizing dreams, have been revealed through the Word as we battle with what the passages say and how they deal with our lives as Christians. I'm sure it will continue to happen. I will be built up by these people and I hope build them up as well.

Community matters because they support you. It matters because they help you grow. It matters because they aren't willing to let you shy away from dealing with hard things when you need to grow. They are there to laugh, to pray, and to be as they should, your brothers and sisters.

I just finished watching Fast 7 with my father. If you aren't a stranger to my blog you know that I tend to draw meanings from movies that may or may not have been put there but they are things I see. In this as the others the importance of a tight knit group is clearly laid out. However, there is a single line that brings it all together. Vin Diesel's character while squaring up against Jason Statham utters the words 'I don't have friends, I have a lot of family.'

In the end that is incredibly true, as the body of Christ I don't really have friends I have family. Within Auxano I have family not friends, but people I look out for and I know look out for me. I will be forever grateful for that family, and community. If you don't have such a group I urge you to get plugged in somewhere and find it. You won't be the same if you do. Life isn't always social media worthy. Having someone there during the bad times and the good, who knows the ins and outs is what community is all about.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone. two will withstand him-a threefold cord is not quickly broken."-Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpen another."-Proverbs 27:17

The Problem with Dreaming

I’d love to start this with something funny. Throwing in another Frozen reference would be a good way to break the ice. Unfortunately I can’t because there is nothing humorous in what is going to follow this pointless opening.

I struggled with how to start this whole thing off. You can look at the above three sentences and see that. When you write a book they say the opening sentence can make or break it. That assumption alone means the odds of you continuing to read this aren’t high. I beg your pardon, bear with me, I hope by the end you will understand it all. At the risk of being redundant what is to follow will be in part nothing new and yet in essence quite fresh. Ready? Good.

If you are like me when you were little you probably had big dreams for yourself. You know the kind I’m talking about, the little boy who is going to be a superhero when he grows up, the young girl who is going to be a princess in some magical castle complete with a prince. Fast forward a few years and you discover reality and that dreams rarely work out or at the least they change.

The title of this is not actually an attack on having dreams. It might look like such but I promise I’m not condemning someone who has big dreams. In fact dreams are good they help keep that part of us alive that so many people kill off as they age-imagination. The problem comes when those dreams become idols. And they can so easily morph into something you want so badly that you forget that you weren’t put on Earth to dream you were put here for a purpose and sometimes that purpose looks nothing like what you thought it would.

When I was younger I was convinced by the time I was twenty I’d be married and have kids. I didn’t realize then that twenty wasn’t that old or that at such an age I’d only be two years out of high school. Life moves on, I’m three months from being twenty-six and can’t have biological kids. That dream is out the window. But do you see what I mean? It’s incredibly easy to get these ideas in our heads of what we want to happen so bad we just convince ourselves no matter their legitimacy they will come true.

Then they don’t come true and you’re left wondering if something went wrong or you didn’t try hard enough.

Maybe you have dreams that aren’t inherently selfish. The past several years I’ve spent a great majority of my time reading mission blogs and books, specifically the one’s that focus on Africa. A place I want to visit with people I need to meet and love and live among even just for a few weeks at a time. The problem being I can’t. There are the usual obstacles like money those plane tickets aren’t cheap. I also have to plan my travel around testosterone injections and that is more annoying than lacking financially.

Here is where that dream went south, where it became an idol. Strange to think something I thought was honoring God was in fact keeping me from doing just that. It got to the point where I just refused to think that God could have anything different for me to do. Africa or bust. I didn’t realize this until last week sitting in Bible Study. (Notice the theme of being in a group of people who grapple with the hard things in life. It’s important.) We talked briefly about missions and how there’s two defined roles. You are either one who goes or one who sends. Neither of these roles is more important than the other although it can certainly feel like it. But still, being a goer (even short term like I planned) isn’t an easy thing to let go of even if that means just waiting a little longer.

I realized though that for now I’m a sender. There is something remarkable in that role. Giving to Bayside is great, I love being able to give to the local body of Christ. However, giving to the global body, missions specifically, is fantastic. Maybe I can’t go now but I can help those that God has called to go now. It certainly hasn’t been an easy thing to come to terms with. But we aren’t promised a life that is easy. We are only promised a life that is for our good and often that good involves pain so we can grow and sorrow so we can have real and lasting joy.

You want to dream do it. Just make sure those dreams don’t become idols. Even the most God-honoring dreams can become idols if we aren’t careful. When that happens you can miss out on what God has for you and it is far better than anything you can dream up yourself.

Our good for His Glory.

Where My Trust is Without Borders

This past Tuesday during Bible study we were going over John 16:1-15. In the 13th verse Jesus tells the disciples that the Spirit of truth was going to come and would guide them. He is talking to them about the Holy Spirit. When I read this Tuesday night my mind went to the song Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United. The first line of the bridge in that song says 'Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.' It is incredibly easy to listen to that song and equate it to missions. Until last night I'd never thought about it outside of the context of saying lead me to the point that my trust in you goes beyond geographical lines. That is not at all wrong thinking, it is very much a song with a bridge that speaks of trusting God when you're not at home but you are all the more closer to Jesus because you lean on Him in those times.

While laying in bed it hit me that those borders don't just mean geographically. Theoretically, I could have just as hard a time trusting God with my finances and paying for school as I could with him calling me to a foreign country. I feel like it is so easy to get caught up in the idea of trusting God we pigeonhole that concept into either just the big things or just the little things but never both. There is no either or with trust, you either trust Him or you don't. I've heard 'If you can trust God with the big things why can't you trust him with the small things' so often. There is a great deal of truth to that. Many people find it much easier to give God the big things. I think that is because when it comes to  small things we feel like we can control them. That in and of itself is a huge problem. We can't do anything apart from God that is worthwhile and good for His kingdom. Our working in our own power is only going to get us into trouble and make things much worse than they were when we began. Somehow we still think it is a good idea for us to try. Those attempts end with us realizing how pointless it is to try without God but they never really seem to break us of the habit.

The flip side of that coin is trusting God only with the small things. It is as if we believe that the hard things are just too great for Him to work with and fix. That in itself blows my mind. God created everything. He spoke and the heavens and the Earth and all that lives on it came into existence. Yet we think something is too complex for Him to deal with? Which means our view of God is He is too busy to deal with the small things or too small to deal with the big things. Both of those are wrong.

"Casting all your anxieties on Him because he cares for you."-1Peter 5:7

No where in that verse does it say cast the diagnosis on me but not the troubles with your neighbor. Nor does it say tell me about the hurt you're feeling but those financial burdens are just too much for me to take care of for you. We've got to get out of the mindset that we either serve a God too small to handle our biggest problems or we are annoying Him with what we deem as insignificant or petty. Our God is mighty. Our God also cares. He cares about everything. There isn't a single thing you are going through or will go through that He doesn't know about. You are never alone. That means you aren't going to go to Him with anxiety that can't be lifted if you are willing to truly let it go.

Letting go is the key. Not the kind that involves ice princesses and musical numbers but complete and total surrender. Praying about something and then continuing to try and deal with it on your own isn't letting it go. I'm talking about pouring everything out to God and washing your hands of it. You leave it to God and you trust that He has it and you have peace. This peace isn't fleeting or momentary it lasts because it's His peace and it is perfect and comforting. It is also unfathomable to anyone who isn't a follower of Christ because the world cannot give you anything close to such a thing.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."-Philippians 4:6-7

God's word says everything and He means it. If He wanted you to pray only about the big things or the little things he would have said one or the other. When He said everything that is exactly what he meant.

I'll admit trusting God isn't always easy. There are times when I sit and wonder why I am where I am and what He is doing. There also times when trusting Him is the only thing that gets me through life. He is always good. He is always faithful. He is always sovereign.

In the end maybe you can rework the the first line of that bridge a little.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders and that means I don't worry about money. 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders and that means I don't worry about where I'll be in five years.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders and that means I don't find my identity in what the world around me says about me but in you.

I don't know what that looks like for you. God does. Tell Him and lay it down forever. Peace is far better than carrying around a weight you can't deal with when in the end you have no control of the situation in the first place.

Trust Him. Trust Him with the "big" and the "little". Just don't put that trust in a mold and think it only means one type of problem.

Growing Old is Mandatory but Growing Up is optional.

Today I had the honor and privelege of watching one of my best friends get married. I've known Corey since we were eleven. My first memory of him involves our Wednesday night service known as Y.U.C.. Before all of middle school met together like it is now, sixth grade was separated from the seventh and eigth grade students. He ate an entire bag of Ghiradelli chocolate squares and to this day I have no how idea he managed it without being sick.

 Since that night I've made many memories with him. One of the best was a Skillet concert back during the Awake and Alive tour. Corey introduced me to them while we were in high school and seeing them live with him is  a night I won't forget. I still remember where I was when he called me and told me he had tickets and wanted to know if I wanted to go see them.

If you know Corey you know that he likes to have fun. We've had plenty of together. You also know Corey is hilarious. Combine those two characteristics and put them at a table of high school freshmen boys and you have a recipe for disaster. Our first two years of high school it was deemed a good idea to allow us to police ourselves. We had no leader at our table and that was likely not the best idea for most freshmen boys. Especially boys that happened to be us. God, and He alone knew that somehow leaving us alone would allow us to not only grow tighter as a group of guys but certainly helped us develop as young men who learned to stay on task (usually) and actually do what we were supposed to do.

Something very interesting happened those two years, I learned to speak. I do not often speak in groups, though I do more so now than I did at fourteen. Corey helped me speak. I was and still am a shy, introverted person.  Those Sunday mornings though were a solid introduction in what it meant to be part of a group of people I could talk with. Fast forward seven years and I'm leading a group of seventh grade boys and occasionally teaching Bible Study. My freshmen and sophmore years of high school helped show me the way, Corey especially.
 I followed my best friends to Middle School Ministry when we graduated High School in 2008. The logical place for me to be 'helping' was wherever Corey was. He did sound with the Kesslers. So I did sound. For Corey that meant running MediaShout (Now ProPresenter) and the soundboard. My job was to sit on a stool beside him and watch and learn. I did a lot of that and now seven years later I'm still running sound in Middle School Ministry. Getting Corey and I together usually means you will be getting some sort of shenanigans. Even as leaders we had plenty of fun  in the "soundbooth" that was just a tiny section cut into the wall of what is now the college room at Bayside. From Fear Factor to Deal or No Deal we laughed way more than we should have and I think it is fair to say we were probably a distraction on occasion.

Those early years of sound though came with plenty of memories. Two in particular stick out. The first was during our first year of sixth grade initiation when the new kids had a chugging contest. Corey gave one of the kids a strongly shaken carbonated beverage which promptly spewed all over the poor boy while we cackled like maniacs. The second was during a sermon Eric Dill said someting about Highway to Hell and Corey and I both just looked at each other and started muttering the lyrics to the AC/DC song under our breath. Like I said we were completely behaved, never distracting, perfect adults.

Shenanigans then means shenanigans now. Corey sat in the balcony with me a few Sundays ago (I normally sit on the floor) and Mr.Tony and Miss Lisa were gone. Halfway through the sermon Corey's phone falls  off his lap and makes a nice, loud thud on the floor. Our mature response was to start laughing. We can joke with each other and one of the easy avenues is our clothes. Early this year I came to church wearing a cardigan and get a text from Corey that says 'Mr.Rogers likes your sweater and so do I.' My response was:It's a cardigan and thank you. Even today before the wedding I was messing with him and told him if he walked out in  tux I was probably going to faint. His response was:Get a wet towel ready. He did in fact have on a tuxedo. 

All that aside, I want to say this: Cor, I love you brother. The wedding was fantastic. I don't think I've been to a wedding that was more fitting to the people in it than yours and Michelle's. From the groomsmen carrying lightsabers to the ring bearer being Darth Vader to the Star Wars scores, it was very you and that was great. You clean up well sir, you should do it more often. I wish you and Michelle all the best in your marriage. Christ was honored during the ceremony and I cannot wait to see how you honor Him throughout the coming years.

Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.

Poison Ivy & Persecution

I'm a firm believer that God teaches you through the circumstances you are in. What I never expected was to be taught about persecution and the freedom I have to worship because of poison ivy. I'm twenty-five years old and never in my life has poison ivy bothered me. That changed last week after I cleared off the fence line in our front yard and came in contact with the dreaded itch inducing plant. The encounter left me with spots on the inside of both elbows, my left bicep, and above my left knee. If you are wondering what any of that has to do with persecution this is why; In seeking to control the itch because I'm allergic to the medicine I was using to get rid of the rash I took Benadryl. The relief lasts about 4 hours which meant I wake up in the middle of the night wanting to scratch my arms off. Still confused? I'll explain further. My church started a read through the bible Sunday evening at 7:45. Someone is at Bayside twenty-four seven reading aloud and it is being simulcasted on the church website. The last time I checked in we were in the book of John.  So how does all this tie in? Being woken with itching arms I've taken more Benadryl and been wide awake so I logged onto the website to listen for awhile the past three mornings at 4:45, 3:45, and 2:30 in the morning.

There isn't a place in the world where freedom such as this would allow a church to do this, much less where I'd have such access to listen at any time as I do. When we were told about the read-through I just found the idea interesting. It had never been something we'd done before and was an interesting concept, having someone there at all times reading the Word and having it simulcasted. What occurred to me at 4:45AM Monday morning was just how much freedom I have in this country. My brothers and sister in Asia,Africa, or the Middle East certainly couldn't have done such a thing. Remoteness and lack of technology not withstanding it is illegal for them to worship God and if they were found doing such a thing death would be the likely punishment.

The simulcast aside, I can attend any church I wish any time the doors are open and worship,pray, and read the Bible any time I feel like it. I can share my faith and speak out about my beliefs without being afraid I'm going to be beaten, jailed or killed for sharing. I went to Bible Study last night and the topic was on persecution. We were studying John 15:18-25 where Jesus is telling his disciples that the world would not only hate them the world would persecute them because it had done so to Him. Monday I read Acts 5:40--42 where the apostles are brought before the council and then beaten and told not to speak about Jesus again. The result was much rejoicing on the apostles part and then continued proclaiming of the name of Jesus.

The world has tried since Jesus walked the Earth to silence the gospel. They've yet to understand that such a goal will never be met. You can't stop the spread of the gospel because you can't stop God. Certainly you can silence those spreading it by killing them but that isn't as effective as it is hoped to be by those that do it. Historically, the Church doesn't shrink and die under persecution it thrives. Burn their homes and their churches, beat them, kill them, the Church isn't a building it is the Body of Christ and that cannot be stomped out. Spilling the blood of those who follow Christ causes the gospel to spread, it doesn't stop it. You can look at the church in Asia and Africa and see that persecution grows the church rather than kills it. When you martyr the children of God you are only giving the world more reason to look at the faith these men and women had and the God they loved enough to die for so that others may hear about the love He has for the world.

322 Christians will die for their faith by the end of the month.

100 million Christians are being persecuted right now for the gospel they cling to.

Persecution isn't a new thing. Persecution is the reward for living a life that points others to Christ. It happens around the world at an alarming rate. It isn't to the level of such drastic measures in America but it is getting to the point that being mocked or losing relationships is going to become more common. When it happens will we love as we are called to do? I certainly hope my response would be like the apostles, one of rejoicing as I'm being marked as a follower of Christ by people who hate him.

November 1st is the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. Join me in praying for our brothers and sisters who do not have the freedoms we do. Check out Open Doors and Voice of the Martyrs. Give if you can to help this family of ours as they live as they are supposed to and continue to spread the gospel no matter the risk.

Want to check out the simulcast? Go Here

The Gospel, Orphan Care, and saying 'Yes' to God

Last night I was given the opportunity to speak on the Gospel and Orphan Care at our young adult Bible Study,Auxano (Owx-an-Oh). We are studying the book of John and discussed chapter 14 last night. The 18th verse in John 14 is "I will not leave you as orphans;I will come to you"  Jesus tells his disciples this hours before he is arrested and goes to the cross. That prompted an explanation of in light of that what does it mean for us as adopted children of God in regards to Orphan Care.

While I was preparing for last night and writing out what I was going to say (much of what I said wasn't written down it just kind of came out of my mouth) it hit me just how far God has brought me in the ten years I've been treated for Kallman's (Explanation Here). Saying 'yes' to adoption several years ago has certainly changed things. It never crossed my mind that it would entail anything but having adopted children one day. That would surely be enough in and of itself because that alone is an arduous undertaking that doesn't promise to be easy. Clearly I was wrong to think such a silly thought.  Since that day adoption has become so much more than just something I plan to do in the future, it has become a passion. I spend much of my time reading anything I can get my hands on that pertains to adoption and orphan care. I've got a section on one of my bookcases that is nothing but books on the subjects. That shouldn't be surprising because parents do that before they have children, they learn, they talk to other parents. My way is just a little different.

However, it doesn't stop at just reading and learning. It has influenced what I write. This blog is full of posts on the subject. I wrote and published a fictional book about four orphans two years ago.The Forgotten,  half the royalties  of which go to provide care for orphans via Show Hope and the Tennessee Baptist Children's Home.  This is not a mere desire anymore. It has become a calling to which I gladly lend myself to as God gives me opportunities. I've spoken on it a few times within the context of bible study lessons like last night over the past year or so. I'm not one for speaking, I'd rather write, but if God gives me the chance to speak about it I'm going to do so.

If by some odd chance you ever see me speaking in public you'll notice a few things;I move a lot when I talk,I talk incredibly fast, the more excited I get the quicker I talk and the more I move. Generally a quiet guy, speaking to a degree turns me into a much more animated person. This is not because I'm attempting to draw attention to myself because I don't enjoy the spotlight, but because the process of speaking in front of people releases adrenaline and it prompts a response that is very unlike the side of me that you usually see. I just channel the adrenaline and the result is movement and rapid speech. I also shake and you can see me do it if you pay close enough attention, not just my hands, but my entire body both while I'm speaking and when I'm finished as the adrenaline fades.

These are not things that I expected to happen. I wasn't prepared to do something I loved to do and how I made sense of things around me to speak up for those who had no voice. I certainly never expected to do something that makes me as nervous as public speaking. But I learned long ago that saying 'Yes' to God and being obedient means doing things you wouldn't expect to do.

All that being said if you are still reading this here is my take on The Gospel and Orphan Care in the context of John 14:18.

You can simply say that adoption is a visible representation of God adopting us as children and you'd be correct. It means bringing children into your family and giving them a new identity and inheritance.That is what God does with us, however it goes much deeper than that.

When Jesus says 'I will not leave you as orphans' He means it. If Jesus had not gone to the cross, shed his blood, faced God's wrath, been buried and risen from the dead we would be orphans. We cannot be sons and daughters of God without Jesus sacrifice. That was the price paid for our adoption. Not money, but blood and life.

That isn't all though, this happened while we were enemies of God. Until God draws you and you are saved you are an enemy, you hate God. You might not actually say those words or even think about it but you do. You're a sinner who does the things God hates and want nothing to do with God until He shows you your need for Him. If that wasn't enough God seeks us out in love, his enemies, and we are worthless. God doesn't need us. We have zero things to offer Him. I'm not saying we don't have value because we do, God values people. But that value isn't based on what we can do for God it is based on the fact that He wants us, we are created in His image. Think about it, what use is a dead person? There is no use for dead people and until God gives you spiritual life that is what you are, a dead person. You are not a good person or a bad person you are a dead person.

In the same vein you don't go into adoption or orphan care with the mindset of getting something in return from these children. That won't happen. They have nothing to give you. It isn't like helping out a homeless person who turns out to be a millionaire masquerading as someone in need. They have nothing and you won't be getting anything physical from them.

There is a Biblical mandate to care for orphans. It is a command, not a suggestion. The Bible doesn't have a set of verses for those who are called to care for orphans because it isn't a call to just a certain few but to the entire Body of Christ. A look through the Bible will show you how important the fatherless are to God. Here are a few examples:

You shall not mistreat any widow or fatherless child. If you do mistreat them, and they cry out to me, I will surely hear their cry, and my wrath will burn, and I will kill you with the sword, and your wives shall become widows and your children fatherless. -Exodus 22:22-24

Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.-Isaiah 1:17

Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.-Psalm 82:3

The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.-Psalm 146:9

To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.-Psalm 10:18

“At the end of every three years you shall bring out all the tithe of your produce in the same year and lay it up within your towns. And the Levite, because he has no portion or inheritance with you, and the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, who are within your towns, shall come and eat and be filled, that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands that you do.-Deuteronomy 14:28-29

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.-James 1:27


The fatherless matter to God. They should matter to us. If you will notice in most of those verses the orphan isn't alone, he is grouped with the widow and the sojourner. These are people that society overlooks or just doesn't care about at all. Why? Because these groups of people, the orphan especially cannot give anything in return for being helped. In this day and age especially, actions are taken on the basis of what you can get in return for helping. An I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine mindset. We are selfish and self-absorbed.

"And the King will answer them,"Truly I say to you, as you did to the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."

 It doesn't get more 'least of these' than orphans. They are the hungry, naked, and needy this passage is speaking about. You name it and they need it. By the same token until the moment we are saved we are the least of these. While we might not need physical things but we do need life. We lack the thing we need the most and when God gives it to us we become children and heirs and we no longer lack what we needed most. For these children they lack physical things and many of them lack the thing they need the most, God Himself. Meeting the physical needs is a great avenue by which to give them what they need most. But if all we are interested in is making sure they are fed and clothed we've missed the point. That food and clothing is only temporary. A relationship with Christ doesn't fade it fills you up and it lasts for eternity. Caring for these children means making sure they are fed, clothed, and loved and in doing so it means insuring they hear the Gospel of Christ so their greatest need can be met.

There are 147 million orphans worldwide. That is a vast number that we cannot take lightly. At the same time we cannot just see it as a number. Those are individual children who clearly matter very much to the God who created them one by one.While all of those children aren't adoptable they all need to be cared for.  If we do not make it personal it is much easier to just pass it off as a problem for someone else. Make it personal. Learn about these children and see how God would have you work for the cause of the fatherless.

"Orphans are easier to forget until you see their faces and know their names."-David Platt


Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.-James 1:27

That word visit their is personal. It isn't like going to just say hello to a friend. It means to actually care for them. Give of your time, talents, and resources to see that their needs are met. You have to physically act. Not in passing or as a second thought, but by being intentional. Get your hands dirty and do something. That isn't easy to do because the moment you do you will be changed. Once you see something it gets much harder to ignore because it becomes personal. If this is going to happen you've got to make yourself vulnerable to being hurt and seeing hard things and that isn't a happy moment. It is a hard one. But it is also a growing one and one we are commanded to take.

So what are some ways we do Orphan Care well? I'm glad you asked. I urge you to check out these organizations who are already doing this so well. Not just in meeting physical needs but in ensuring these kids hear the love of their Father and what He did for them. 147 Million Orphans also has schools built so these children are getting an education so they can care for themselves when they become adults and not lapse into poverty, but become productive members of society and help others.

Show Hope
147 Million Orphans

Pray for the fatherless. It so often gets overlooked but prayer is powerful. Not because of the words we say but because of the God we are communicating with. Ask God to show you how you can use your talents, time, and resources to help the fatherless.

Maybe for some of you God will or has already called you to adopt. Leave yourself open to the optioon and see what God does. Not everyone will be called to do that, not everyone should, but everyone is called to do something.

"Orphan care is not for exceptional Christians, it's for the ordinary one's."-Tony Merida


(A/N:If you are in your twenties or thirties, single, and in the Chattanooga area we would love to have you at Auxano. We meet on Tuesday nights at 7pm at Bayside Baptist Church)

Serve & Protect

Police Officer Killed While Walking Out of Gas Station.

The headline that I saw this morning when I unlocked my phone.Deputy Darren Goforth was gunned down walking back to his patrol car last night at 8:30 pm.

Serve and Protect but only arrest the 'real' criminals.

Serve and Protect but never apply force.

Serve and Protect but never discharge your weapon even in self defense.

 I had the honor of visiting the Police Memorial in D.C. two years ago and was reminded of this quote that is on the memorial.


The slew of police murders recently are both horrifying and vexing. Horrifying because these are men who are just doing their jobs. They face death every time they put the badge on and go out to protect the cities they serve. Yet they know that at any point in time they might not make it back home. They are vexing because we live in a nation where the lives of the criminals that ravage the Unites States are more heavily protected than the people who are protecting us. Kill a cop and you are lauded as a hero. Apply too much force or shoot your weapon even if that is the one thing that is going to help you get home and you're nothing but a murderer. Are there bad officers? Sure. But, there are also bad teachers, bad doctors and bad pastors. There are people in professions they shouldn't be in wherever you look. Coloring an entire section of first responders as bad because there are those who misrepresent the badges they wear is absurd. Need I remind you that these people put their lives on the line to protect you? Because I can certainly do that.

Someone has flipped a switch and now it is open season on the men and women in blue. I'm not so sure that we shouldn't be protecting them. If they can't fill up their cars without getting shot by cowards someone has to step up and ensure they can do their jobs safely. Every move they make is questioned to the point that that cannot successfully do their jobs anymore. One wrong move in the eyes of the public and an officer might as well be skewered and put over an open flame because he or she is done. I understand that public perception is important because a public that cannot trust its protectors isn't going to willingly seek them when they need help. However, a public that has no protectors left because they've all lost their jobs trying to actually protect people is no safer or better off.

We've got very few options left. We can either let the public decide everything and watch society as a whole disintegrate into lawlessness and chaos or we can actually let the Police be Police and protect us. If that angers a few mothers than so be it. Raise your children not to break the law and you won't have to visit them in jail. I'd much rather live in a society where I can be safe and know that those protecting me are less likely to get gunned down doing their jobs at the expense of a few criminals and angry mothers, than live in a society that has no protection because the masses were a huddle of opinionated arm-chair cretins who don't like having to obey the law.

These men who roam the streets with guns ready to shoot down police officers are cowards. They are not heroes. They are not doing the world a favor. They are not helping anyone or themselves. They are murderers. They are ripping families apart. They are the reason good men and women do not come home at the end of shift.

To Kyle, Jon, Jim, and the countless others men and women across this nation who wear the badge and protect this nation every day I want to say thank you. Your sacrifice and the sacrifice of those who have paid the ultimate price  isn't in vain and doesn't go unnoticed by everyone.

More Than A Game

"You know, say what you will about the ravages of sports in this corporate age where overpaid athletes expect prima donna treatment, but there's still something so unifying about sporting in it's purest form, when athletes rise above themselves and touch greatness, and in doing so remind us all that we all have greatness inside of us".-Marvin McFadden

"Was it worth it?"

A simple, four word question I asked my eldest niece Wednesday night when we were forced to leave the United States Women's National team game versus Costa Rica early due to weather. Her reply was an ear to ear grin and a single word, "Definitely."

In all we saw fourteen minutes of the game before lightning struck and ruined the game for us. The excitement however started long before the game when we pulled up to Finley Stadium among a mass of people and walked inside. We found our seats quickly and a few short minutes later the only family member I have who likes the beautiful game as much if not more than I do saw one of her sports idols, Alex Morgan. Then in quick succession, Hope Solo, Megan Rapinoe and Abby Wambach followed as they filed into the stadium to the locker room. She was ecstatic and could barely speak as she ran back to our seats to show off the video she'd just taken. This was one of the moments that made the foul weather, being packed like cattle into the concourse, and early expulsion worth it. The next happened around five minutes later when I returned to the bathroom to find my sister and brother-in-law had gone to get food. I had been talking to Haylee about what looked like a large, rain-filled cloud that was approaching when she started smacking me on the arm and talking in an uncharacteristically high voice. When I turned to ask her what was happening she started pointing to the wall outside the locker room. Lo and behold one Hope Solo was leaning against said wall chatting on her cell phone.

Eventually Hope disappeared, Haylee's parents came back and the wait continued unbroken except for the occasional squeal of an excited fan, over nothing that I could see. Sixth-thirty rolled around, game time, Hope Solo appeared and warmed up for a few minutes then disappeared to more screams. I'll admit to clapping and screaming 'yeah' myself. I'm a fan of Hope Solo and the team in general but favor Solo,Morgan, Wambach, Lloyd and Heath above the others, they are my favorites. So when the team came out to practice I watched excitedly, nothing spectacular happened, it was just warm-ups after all, but still there was something magnificent about watching the world champions practicing on a field, in my hometown.Both teams disappeared and reappeared this time with children accompanying them as they were introduced a la normal game proceedings.

Then the real magic happened. 20,535 people stood united in a moment of silence for Chattanooga's Fallen Five. These five were men that had risked their lives for this country and this city, giving us the freedom to do what we were doing that night, gathering to watch a game. I'd known it was going to happen having seen Alex Morgan tweet about it but being part of it was something else. This had become more than a game it was a time of honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice. It was thought provoking, beautiful, and strangely haunting, a moment I will not soon forget. When it ended and the game started the American Outlaws famous for starting the 'I believe' chant at cup games started the Chattahooligan chant of Chatta-Nooga. That single world echoing across the stadium, issued from so many mouths but seemingly from a single disembodied voice was truly spine-tingling.

A few quick touches and then we hit the 6:25 mark and Carli Lloyd launched a beautiful free-kick into the net like the ball had been propelled from a rocket. The crowd went nuts (myself included). A little over six minutes later at the 13:10 mark Heather O'Riley scored and again we were one voice cheering on women that represented this nation well and did so with such skill that you can't help but be proud of them. Less than a minute later lightning would strike and end the game for us (though the game would pick up again later and the USWNT would go on to beat Costa Rica 7-2). We would pack inside the concourse where Haylee bought her Alex Morgan pennant with her signature on it and then the deluge happened. Told to leave the stadium we made a break for the car and found it, looking like we'd been swimming so hard was the downpour. But as wet as we were, as disappointed at the game ending that way, there was plenty of laughter at just how wet we actually were, because we'd expected rain, but certainly not like that.

So if you were to ask me if it was worth it. The ticket prices, the short game, and the monsoon we got hit with, I would without hesitation tell you, Yes. All of it was worth it. The look on Haylee's face as she got to watch these women play was worth it. The sound of her voice as they came out and she got to video them was worth it. Watching a city unite under the pretense of a game and honor the men who gave the ultimate sacrifice for us was worth it, every penny, every rain drop.

Chattanooga is city that is healing though we are by no means healed. Wednesday night was a testament to the world that evil will not win. When we stand as a people united we can face the tough times and know that we will survive. June 16th showed us that we are tougher than we appear and far stronger than we think. Our strength is in our unity. United we stand #NoogaStrong.

In ending I want to say thank you to the USWNT for giving my niece someone to emulate as she plays the beautiful game. Someone to show her that toughness on the pitch doesn't always equate to physical strength but in the strength to play fair and to accept defeat with her head held high knowing she did her best. An example of what it means to give her all and what can happen when she does. Thank you for coming to our city and honoring men you've never met. Thank you for representing this country so well and showing the world that the beautiful game matters because it isn't just a game, it's more than that, it is a unifying force.



To Haylee:The odds of you reading this unless your mother makes you are slim to none but I'm glad I got to see the game with you. I hope you enjoyed your early birthday present even if it got cut short and we got a little wet. I'm glad you won't forget Wednesday because I won't either. You saw what the ladies can do in person now it is your turn. Love you Haylee Nickel.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 Grace. Weakness. Power. Glory.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."- 2nd Corinthians 12:8-10

That is a pretty familiar passage. Verse 9 and the last part of verse 10 are oft quoted. If you aren't some stranger what I'm writing won't be a particular surprise to you. In fact it is a topic I've written on repeatedly over the years that this blog has existed. However, this time around I'm going to be echoing Paul and explaining why this passage resonates with me. Tonight I speak on Kallman's and why this passage gives me strength. If you want a fuller look at what Kallman's is follow this link to a previous post in which I explain it.

http://jhenonevoice.blogspot.com/2013/09/a-not-so-nice-anniversary-and.html

At 1pm tomorrow afternoon, I will visit the endocrinologist per usual for my twice yearly checkup. A time that consists of hearing what my testosterone levels are, adjusting the dosage and frequency of my injections if needed, and answering questions about whether or not I'm having any side effects from the testosterone. This is not a time that I look forward to but who enjoys going to the doctor?

Ten years. Ten years I've been getting these injections. Shots that for the most part I rarely feel anymore they've become so common. Though my hip is usually sore after so I tend to watch how I sleep.  I currently get them every other week. In fact, I received one yesterday. This is the way I've lived almost half my life now.

 I'd like to tell you that it has become spectacularly easy and it doesn't bother me anymore. Not the physical pain, the knowledge of what it limits me to doing. I could tell you that but if I did I would be lying and there would be no point in my writing. If anything when you read my blog posts I want you to see grace and truth. So you are going to see the grittiness and the pain but I hope you see faith amidst an ongoing struggle and the love of a God who knows far better than I do, what is good for me.

I'm like Paul,I've prayed for years for God to take this. I've prayed for some miraculous healing to take place so my brain would be whole as it should and my body would follow suit. It hasn't come. I'm still abnormal. Some days facing that truth is easier than others. I can happily tell you that God is doing this or that in my life but still struggle with the fact that what I wish He would do He hasn't. Understanding that Kallman's is for my better is easy enough to say I get, but far harder to put into practice. I've had ten years to deal with this I should be over it right? Maybe. However, being confronted by what I'm unable to do often makes this all the harder to just 'get over'.

I am not a regular person. I want to do normal things. I want to lead a normal life. That is not the life God has planned for me. I want to do missions so badly but currently am bound to trips that last no more than a week and they cannot occur on shot days. That makes travel practically impossible. I cannot do the missions I really want to do, I cannot get to Africa like that. While I don't feel called to full-time missions I'm not going to say no if God says go teach in other countries be it children or sustainability. My knowledge of sustained living is limited to chickens but I know quite a bit about them.  I've done mission trips for several years now but those have thus far all worked out to I either get a shot before I leave or soon after returning home. As you can see this is quite the conundrum. A painful problem that produces jealousy if I'm not careful to guard against it, and sometimes, even when I am.

I do not get the honor or privilege to see tiny children in sonograms that are born and have one trait of mine or another. If I have children, I'm certain that they will likely not even share my ethnicity. It hurts, sometimes more strongly than others, but ten years is a great deal of time to come to grips with such a consequence of Kallman's. It doesn't mean I'm completely cured of the pain, but it does mean I'm better at dealing with it when it comes.

I told you I was like Paul. I prayed for Kallman's to go away and it hasn't. Such a result means there is clearly a reason that I've not been cured or another treatment option has not yet been found and offered to me. That reason hasn't shown itself in a concrete form. I cannot point at a time and say 'That is when it all made sense'. However, I can tell you that this is a struggle that God has given me so He can be glorified. This is something I have been afflicted with so I can be closer to Him. I long for a day when this experience can be a help to someone other than myself. The statistical odds of meeting even one other person in Chattanooga with Kallman's aren't high so there is some other person that needs what I've learned. Maybe it is a couple who found out they can't have kids. Maybe it is a person whose dreamed grand dreams of doing amazing things for God but is relegated to watching others chase them while they sit on the sidelines because of some physical challenge or another. 

His grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in MY weakness. I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness to show the world that my God is far stronger than I am and can do miraculous things through one as abnormal as me. I can be content with such a life because in that life, when I am weak I receive his power and I become strong. This is why such a passage resonates with me. It is why I cling to the word of a living God whose plan for me might not make sense at this moment to me but has never been anything but glorifying to Him. If I boast may it be in Christ and Christ alone.

And I will end with this quote by my favorite theologian, Charles Spurgeon "Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there."

Cecil the lion:Murder of the Innocent

Over the past few days unless you live under a rock you will have no doubt heard of Cecil the lion. He was killed on July sixth but the entire world has become outraged at the slaughter of the animal only this past weekend. According to the reports Cecil was a much loved lion even fitted with a tracking collar for scientific study. This would be a bigger deal to me under other circumstances. I’m one who is fascinated by the wolves of Yellowstone and thanks to my brother Kyle and sister-in-law Kristy have gotten a more intimate look at the reintroduction of the beautiful creatures to Yellowstone in The Killing of Wolf Number 10:By Thomas McNamee. I am a hunter, I eat meat. That being said I’ve never understood killing for sport. If you don’t plan on eating it, the creature is not physically harming you or being a detriment to your home, don’t shoot it. The killing of Cecil should have angered me beyond belief; the man who killed Cecil certainly didn’t eat him.  The lion wasn’t harming him or his home, the lion was living in a national park in Zimbabwe. He was lured out and then killed, for sport. While this makes me mad it doesn’t do much more than that.

Strangers and even friends who read this blog might find me heartless for not expressing vehement anger at Cecil’s killer. Now allow me to tell you why. Two weeks ago a video was released of people inside Planned Parenthood discussing the selling of baby parts. The world at large has said nothing of this travesty, and it is a travesty. A gross injustice that is both bone-chilling and blood-curdling. When I first found out I had to fight the urge not to vomit. Mind you, they were discussing the selling of human body parts, for profit. We do this at butcher shops or markets, sell cuts of meat of animals, but this was not the selling of a lamb shank. This was the sale of parts of a human baby who had been forcibly mutilated and removed from its mother’s womb.

Planned Parenthood should be stopped. But it won’t be. People care more about the life of a single lion than they do the sickening practice of abortion and selling of baby parts. These same people are probably aware of human trafficking and could even be staunch supporters of ending the trading of human slaves. However, abortions are different, if you say abortions shouldn’t happen you are saying a woman has no right to choose what to do with her own body. I’m not Pro-Choice. There is the matter of Pro-Choice not being a real choice at all. When you say you are Pro-Choice you are essentially saying this: I’m for giving a woman (and more often than not man) the right to ‘choose’ to not take responsibility for their actions. That ‘choice’ results in killing a human because they aren’t ready for that yet.  By the time this article is finished and posted on my blog more than 103,000 humans will have been killed by abortion today alone.  That should stop you in your tracks. The sheer magnitude of that number should cause you to grieve, not only for the lives lost but for a nation and a world that truly has no compassion for human life. Kill an animal and you’re a murderer kill a baby and you’re just choosing to make your life easier. Backward logic but the logic of people who are fallen and sinful.

Human life is a precious thing. Beyond the normal argument of ‘what if you just killed the person who was going to cure cancer or the next Einstein’ there is a much stronger reason as to why abortion is murder and should be seen as such. Every life no matter the circumstance it was conceived in matters. God creates each life personally and intricately for a purpose that we cannot know. A life that was never given the chance to discover the love of the God who created everything who deserves the praise of every human on this planet. A God who even if we don’t give Him that and we often don’t is praised by the very world He created.

Don’t misunderstand me; grace is most certainly extended to the very people who work in Planned Parenthood. Grace is extended to mothers and fathers who decide that getting an abortion is their only option. They need grace just like I do. That is not the easiest thing to admit but it is true. I’m no better a person than they are. The truth is there are no good people. People are alive in Christ or dead in sin. There are no good or bad. You are dead or you are alive. Loving these people isn’t easy, but that is why I’m not God. It is hard for me to love people who so flippantly destroy and throw away human life and then sale body parts. But God does and because He does, I should as well. Even if the thought of abortion makes me sick, makes me vehemently angry, I have to love these people.

I do not agree with them. I do not understand them. I do not shout from the rooftops for the head of a man who killed a lion rather than justice for the millions of humans killed by abortion since 1973. But I do have to love them.

(Authors Note: I am well aware that those who read this may see only an angry man who is sickened by the actions of a world and nation who have such a low view of human life. But, I pray and hope that you see much more than that. I hope you see that there is love here. Even amidst anger and pain, there is love and grace, because I am a sinner saved by grace and I need it daily just like everyone else.)

#NoogaStrong

They say there are days that you will remember forever. The day you get married, the days your children are born. The happy times that even when time wears away your ability to remember where you put your keys you will not forget. Then there are days when tragedy strikes and despite the horror you see, it is etched in your memory for all of your life this side of Heaven. September 11, 2001 is such a day. I can remember with outstanding detail what I was doing that morning when the first tower fell and for the rest of the day.

Thursday, July 16 will go down in history as the day the town I’ve lived in my entire life, Chattanooga changed forever.  The attack on the recruitment center and naval reserve isn’t anything like this city has seen before. When such things happen in a different state or halfway around the world you can distance yourself. When it occurs in your hometown it is just there.  The idea of safety and ‘that can’t happen here’ is shattered like glass. Pain, sorrow, and fear are all there and you have to feel them because there is no where else they can go. You can’t hide from them and that isn’t an easy thing to deal with. 

I can say that without a doubt I’ve never been as scared as I was Thursday. Fear does interesting things to the brain and my brain was no different. My train of thought went from I’ll bet my brother is down there with S.W.A.T. to Is my sister who works on Amnicola working today? The answer to both of those is yes.

 I grew up playing around on a fire truck and I blame that for my innate need to know exactly where every set of sirens I hear is going. My grandfather was a narcotics detective. My father was a firefighter until he retired ten years ago. My oldest brother is a firefighter and my other older brother is a policemen. I’m the first male in my family to choose a profession that isn’t first responder related.  I teach preschoolers currently. Just before we were put on lockdown I saw a policeman go by running hot which isn’t a strange sight. Within the next five minutes we were put on lockdown. That was the first time in going on eight years of being at MDO that has ever happened. Molding minds is a responsibility I take seriously and I’m honored that people trust me with their children.  However, for the first time in those almost eight years the protection of those minds became a reality.

I’m naturally protective though I’m not a large or even remotely intimidating person. I stand at 5’4” and weigh 115 lbs soaking wet. It took no time at all for my brain to jump to alright there are shots fired reports all over this city if something happens what am I going to do. I’m analytical in any situation and run through every scenario possible. I can respond at the drop of the hat if pressed but I prefer to have time to think. That is the reason this is hitting the internet now and not Thursday.  That is when the fear really took hold. I’m not big, I wasn’t armed and though I wasn’t the only adult present the latter detail just faded away because I’m a guy. We are hardwired to protect, we just are. Why do you think so many little boys love superheroes or men become first responders and soldiers? We were made to protect. I am no different. When push comes to shove I’m not made to stand there and watch. I suppose buried within me somewhere is a little of that DNA that sends one brother into fires and another to protect the streets from people who wish to do others harm like my father and grandfather before them.

Thankfully nothing happened, the work day ended and I went home.

The same cannot be said for Thomas Sullivan.

The same cannot be said for Skip Wells.

The same cannot be said for David Wyatt.

The same cannot be said for Carson Holmquist.

The same cannot be said for Randall Smith.

The same cannot be said for Dennis Pedigo Jr.

The first four are Marines who were murdered Thursday during the attack.  The fifth a Navy Sailor who succumbed to his injuries Saturday Morning. The last a Chattanooga Police Officer injured during the attack.  These are the men we pay tribute to who have memorials set up for them in two different locations. These are the men we honor for their sacrifice paid for our country.  Men who just went to work and didn’t get to come home like normal.

Two years ago I watched a nation rally around the city of Boston. Today I live in a city that the nation is rallying around.  We will rise up. We will come together. We will press on because that is exactly what such an act is supposed to keep us from doing.  We are #Noogastrong.

Flexibility and Sovereignty

Two weeks ago I taught on John 6 and the sovereignty of God. This past week I was given the opportunity to practice what I preached while in Ohio for a mission trip to do backyard bible club type activities and other service work.  The repeated mantra of this trip and any mission trip courtesy of Eric Dill; Flexibility. Let me tell you there was a lot of that this past week.  The first week of our training we were put into groups based on what we would do in the ‘parties in the park’ which was what the backyard bible clubs were called. I chose bible study because I am not a craft person unless it is sitting in front of a canvas and painting and while I enjoy playing games, teaching was the best fit. That meant I’d need to study Saul’s conversion to Paul in a condensed version of the story we were given.  I did that. When the parent meeting happened everyone was given a booklet detailing the schedule and other things like specific roles we would be playing while we were gone. The older kids who were not in PrayZChoir would go to a rescue mission while everyone else went with PrayZChoir to nursing homes to sing on two different nights.  I’ll readily admit to not being particularly happy with that assignment. I’ve spent quite a bit of time in nursing homes and they make me uncomfortable.  Remember, I said I was able to practice in trusting God’s sovereignty and this was the first step.

We arrived Friday night, set up in the Church we were staying in and then talked about what we’d be doing the next couple of days. Saturday morning we went to the Creation Museum (if you ever visit don’t miss out on the Insectorium, even if you don’t like bugs it is one of the neatest things you will see as is the Planetarium movie). That evening we went to the Red’s vs. National’s game. The game was fantastic, I got to see two home runs and experience my first MLB game. Saturday they had a deal going on where if the Red’s recorded eleven strikeouts you could go to LaRosa’s pizza and get a free one-topping personal pizza with your ticket stub. The neat thing about that was we were supposed to go to LaRosa’s for dinner Thursday so it allowed quite a bit of money to be saved. That alone would have been great but what happened Monday made it even better. Monday we were supposed to go the nation’s largest YMCA but due to the weather the pools were shut down. Instead we went bowling which was paid for with the help of the money saved from the free pizza.

Monday and Tuesday night meant nursing home visits. It was also my first but I hope not my last foray into learning sound tech. I learned about XR cables and snakes and direct boxes and how they all fit together so that noise will come out of speakers. Spending the last several years in the sound booth running Mediashout is one thing; actually knowing how to hook everything up is another. It was a blast learning how it all worked together and I’m grateful for Chris Doss patience as I helped set things up for the performances which by the end of the week would include Tuesday and Thursday in parties in the park. This is the sovereignty I’m talking about. It wasn’t something I had planned on doing or anything really that I would have chosen but it was something God knew I needed to learn. One thing I learned this week was the more I know how to do the better I can serve because I can serve in more roles.

Tuesday afternoon we had our first party in the park. Keep in mind that we had planned on warm weather all week. Tuesday morning it was fifty degrees and windy. Let me tell you it made for a cool day especially when the wind blew. When we started training everyone had a place and a job depending on which group they picked. Come Tuesday we learned that what we’d come up to do wasn’t exactly what we were going to be doing. There was no real recreation, the multiple aged specific Bible lesson became just one large lesson, and crafts was essentially face painting.  Instead of teaching I wound up serving hot dogs. People really enjoy hot dogs; we served several hundred of them. There was one particular little boy who couldn’t have been more than six or seven who ate four.  Like I said, it wasn’t what I had expected to do, I had planned on teaching. 

Thursday was much the same, I wouldn’t be teaching, in fact I didn’t really have a specific job other than helping set stuff up. The day was much warmer, a toasty eighty-three degrees. It didn’t take but about ten minutes for me to find something to do; I played basketball. One of the things we were supposed to do was engage people in the park and talk with them. I am not an outgoing person and would rather avoid talking to strange adults; actually I’d rather avoid talking to strangers over the age of about fourteen. So when an eleven year old walked into the park headed to the basketball court with a ball in his hand, I followed. That was how I met Jaieer. The next hour and a half was spent playing basketball on and off, with Jaieer, some other young boys that wondered over and Jaieer’s older brother Junior. I have no problem engaging children and teenagers in conversation, I do it for a living and at Church, so it was easy. The basketball was just a handy tool that gave me an avenue to talk about the Church we were there helping.

The thing about Thursday was I never had the chance to formally present the gospel to Jaieer. This is where the talking about God knowing who He draws to himself and our responsibility in telling people anyway comes into play. I had to trust that the information I gave Jaieer about the church we helped and my actions of taking the time to play a simple game with him were in the hands of the God I was there representing. Not seeing a resolution isn’t the easiest thing to do.  I have absolutely no way of knowing the results of what happened last Thursday. But as hard as it was to leave the park without knowing I’m grateful to have an opportunity to put into practice the very thing I talked about needing to have two weeks ago. Trust in the God who saved me and knowing that regardless of what the outcome is, I fulfilled my responsibility. I can’t save Jaieer no more than I can save anyone else, I can only tell people about Christ.  It’s God who will do everything else.

Before I end I’d like to say thanks to the ladies who kept us fed and in clean clothes Making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for fifty-four people wasn’t easy but you did it. Thanks Chris Doss for showing me the ropes of sound equipment. Thanks to Eric, Terry, and Chris for allowing me to come. It wasn’t a week I’ll soon forget and I’ve certainly been changed by it.

A Missing Link

Fourteen years ago I sat in a room with a handful of people as a sixth grader in my first night with the Student Ministry at Bayside. Many things have happened in the span of those years. My class was a decent size. Some of those I graduated with have moved away, a few joined different churches. With the exception of work schedules that don’t allow for Sundays off, the majority to my knowledge have seemingly disappeared. This is a huge problem.  It doesn’t seem to be a new one, but it is one that at my age I’ve begun to take notice of its existence. The problem I speak of is lack of younger adults and high school students who don’t stay in Church beyond freshmen year. Most churches have large children’s ministries and sizeable student ministries but few have college ministries that have more than a few members. Even fewer have ministries geared to people like me, people who are caught in the stage of being older than college students  (even though I’m actually going to school) but not married. Where do we fit in?  Single. Twenty something young men and women who have so much to offer in the Body but few places to actually use the gifts we’ve been given.  Bayside has started a ministry like this but there are very few in this city.

Alas, I’m getting ahead of myself. The portion of my class that I said has seemingly disappeared, to even get to the stage of life I’m in, they’d have needed to stay in Church. Most of them don’t. After this weekend it hit me that I’ve spent the last seven years with students that according to statistics will walk away from church. They just won’t care anymore. They hit an age where it just doesn’t matter. Mom and Dad aren’t bringing them or making sure that it is a priority; they are in college out of state and have the freedom to choose what they do on Sundays.  The thing is I’ve seen it happen for years! It happened in my own class. People just drift away as if they were ghosts. I just don’t understand it. I can’t imagine not being involved in the Body on Sundays or on Wednesdays. I’ve spent more than half my life doing just that.  So for me to pray with and for students or to see people I grew up with just decide that Church just doesn’t matter perplexes me and grieves me. How does your faith not matter?

How do we fix this? It needs to be fixed. If the Church doesn’t have young people it isn’t going to exist long.  I’m not undermining the importance of learning from older people in the Body but to be frank, people don’t live forever. If we have a large chunk of members that are from the ages of forty- eighty and then thriving children’s ministry but no solid foundation of members from fifteen-thirty we have a problem. Granted, most of those children belong to someone in the age range of twenty-forty but if those children decide when they reach high school that church doesn’t matter or go off to college and don’t come back, where is the Church in thirty years? It doesn’t exist.  We cannot equip and send out those who aren’t there.

We’ve come to the point that people my age and younger are deciding that Church doesn‘t matter or they don‘t belong there. Is it possible that they aren’t true followers? Yes. However, it is also possible that these very people are just tired of being in a place that they don’t feel valued or that they don’t belong.  There is also the problem that so many churches do whatever they can to entertain so that what these students are seeing is nothing but fun. When the fun stops, when it isn’t games and light shows, why keep coming? They need Christ. Not gimmicks, Christ and Him alone. Give them a solid foundation. Give them what they need not something to keep them entertained for a few hours a week. It won’t stop everyone from leaving but at the very least while they are there they will hear the gospel.  That being said, ten years from now when the current sixth graders have graduated college, God might call them to live in different cities or to different churches but I want to do everything possible to be sure that if they leave it’s because they are called to serve somewhere and not because they just don’t care anymore.

I’m thankful to be a part of a Body that sees us as important. A Body that invests in the lives of students and doesn’t just treat them as minds seeking to be entertained. I’m glad that the Young Professional’s exist and hope that we continue to grow so that Chattanooga sees that our generation matters, we have a voice and we do actually want use it.



This weekend I had the honor and privilege to lead six boys in a Multi-session Bible Study/Sleepover kind of weekend called Flood. These were not six strangers but boys that Haynes and I have spent just under a year with in Small Group as their leaders. In that year they haven’t talked as much as they did this weekend. I don’t think we’ve had a discussion better than the one we did Friday night. It was absolutely fantastic. It was also completely heart-breaking. The past seven years when our eighth graders move from middle school to high school Eric Dill has hammered a statistic into them that studies have shown that only a handful of them will still be involved in Church when they graduate High School. I can attest personally that even fewer will stay involved in college and that of students who don’t move out of state or the city.  I looked around that circle of boys and wondered come six years from now when they graduate high school which of them would be left? It hurt to think about. It hurts to think about. These aren’t just a bunch of numbers; these are teenagers that I’ve formed relationships with that Lord willing will continue to grow over the next several years. One of the craziest things is seeing a bunch of kids that were in sixth grade when I started helping in the Middle School Ministry join the College Ministry. By the same token it is also rewarding to know that these young people are continuing to grow, they aren’t stopping because they graduated High School.

In ending, this weekend has been one that I won’t forget. I’ve grown closer with a group of hyper, hilarious, boys that like most teenage boys live by their stomachs, love video games, and inventing vaguely dangerous sports games on a trampoline, because why not throw a soccer ball on a trampoline and tackle each other to score a goal? I watched boys who don’t say much normally, open up like books and actually trust me enough to speak what God is putting on their hearts. There have been some embarrassing moments but they were moments teaching these boys that Church isn’t a building, it’s a group of people and when you do things together, you find out hard things get easier.