Good Old Rocky Top

I will be the first to tell you that basketball is my favorite sport. Football is fun to watch but the rules aren't things that I completely understand. I prefer the squeak of shoes on hardwood and the swish of a ball through a net. I've watched the Tennessee Volunteers play football my whole life. It's just what we grew up doing. I was in Elementary School when Peyton Manning was showing the SEC what he could do while wearing the orange and white. Boy that was a fun time. That being said I didn't attend my first game until I was in college. A Dooley era game against Kentucky at Neyland (also a dominant win)

There is nothing like live sports. I don't care what the sport happens to be. You can't beat being right in among the action. Television replays can come in handy but seeing it firsthand cannot be topped. The moment I passed security and stepped foot inside Neyland for the first time all those years ago, and again yesterday, I got chills. It's hard to explain the feeling produced by being in that place. I've been to multiple Atlanta Braves games, at Turner and in Suntrust Park but they failed to evoke what Neyland seems to by some invisible force. Perhaps it's the mythos of the place, the stadium is practically holy ground to Volunteer fans. Georgia fans decided rather foolishly to attempt to checker Neyland in red and white this year. They might have won the game but any such attempt to color Neyland in something that isn't orange should be viewed as a fanciful notion that won't work. We defend the place, maybe fanatically so, but Neyland, like singing Rocky Top shouldn't be trifled with.  It is ours and we aim to keep it that way.

This year has been a fairly solid plateau in terms of performance. After Peyton left every year is going to be our year and this year was no different. With Pruitt poised to take over from Jones, and hopefully give Volunteer fans something to cheer for again on the turf, it was quickly made apparent that such hope was to be dashed upon the rocks of reality hard and mercilessly. A season opening loss only exacerbated the feel of total defeat and suddenly these boys weren't fun to watch anymore. Why tune in if you knew they were going to play defeated and quit before they started? I watched part of the Mississippi State game, and part of Florida after that season opener and that is all I've seen. I didn't see the need to waste my time watching (there is always plenty do around here anyway and i could be studying instead).

Watching those boys last night changed that. For the first time all season they gave those in attendance, watching, and listening on the radio a glimpse of what they can be. The opening series didn't go their way and a quick touchdown on the first snap of the game for the Gamecocks felt a bit like a nail in the coffin. But, they happily proved me wrong. After some of the worst officiating I've seen in any sport they turned things around quickly. A glimpse of talent emerged and glimmered full of hope and vigor, a taste of what the boys could do and  what I hope fans are in for the remainder of the season. The forty-one scored points were great. None of those will be more memorable to me than Callaway's  punt return for a TD. I screamed the whole game but never louder than watching him run that ball, that was a sight to behold, and thats including Mr.15 himself showing the SEC that he means business so don't get in his way.

A rough first half gave way to a dominate second one. My recollection might be fuzzy but the Gamecocks only got a few first downs in the second half. The Volunteer D-Line played lights out. Little to nothing got through and  they showed that they could do their jobs given a solid chance.  Let me tell you, Neyland was rocking most of the game (the horrible officiating helped) but third down for the Gamecocks sent that place into a frenzy every time without fail (yours truly helped the noise along). The offense was not to be outdone with Jennings doing a good turn at QB with a wildcat option, Guarantano showing for the first time this season that he can in fact sling the ball until he got hurt, and Shrout stepping up to fill the role. But, little could top Jennings just doing his thing. I'm glad the man is a Volunteer because I sure wouldn't want to match up against him. Big, fearless, and smooth, he might be called a dog but he moves with the finesse of a big cat rather than a canine.

I screamed, jumped, and clapped my way through four quarters. Spent most of that time with the hairs on my arm standing on end from chills that had nothing to do with the weather. Last night was fun. Last night showed the Volunteer fanbase and the SEC that those boys dressed in orange and white cannot be counted out. Experiencing a dominate win with my brother,sister-in-law, and tens of thousands of my closest friends singing Rocky Top at the top of our lungs made last night a good one.  It is a memory that is going to be incredibly hard to top.

In the end I hope those Volunteers felt the support lauded upon them from the cheers, singing, and applause as they showed repeatedly that they understood what they were playing for. It's not the name on the back that matters, it's the name on the front.

Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.

(Somewhere in the second quarter one of the Smokey mascots came out wearing a cow suit and a sign that said eat mor chicken and I applaud that so much. The real Smokey, and the human one's wearing  suits did a great job at firing up the crowd last night)

Today is September 10, 2019

Today is September 10,2019. Tomorrow the internet will be flooded with tributes to men and women whom died risking their lives to save others inside the Twin Towers, those that died at the Pentagon, in Pennsylvania. When hate reared its ugly head and tried its best to stamp out one of the strongest reflections of selflessness in my lifetime. Hate lost, hope won. 

So, tonight I write. A bit more reflective than I normally am, both to get the thoughts out of my head and in honor of the family I grew up around. This is for them. I grew up in a firehouse. My father was a fireman and retired in 2005. I only remember the station he retired out of, but I was older when he reached his last station, at least enough to make memories crawling around on the truck and learning what each component was for. Old enough to remember busting my head open on the passenger side door of the truck when I was younger (don’t recommend that route.) I remember when they got their new quint and it had a completely enclosed cab. I’m sure that was nice for them but an enclosed cab loses the thrill of riding backwards with only a seatbelt on. I can also remember well my father bringing home books for school weeks and listening to my mom quiz him on things like water pressure and happily guessing at answers that I didn’t and still don’t understand. 

I think most boys grow up wanting to be firefighters at some point. We are wired that way, we want to be the heroes. Until September 11,2001 I don’t think I realized the gravity of the job. When you are young the danger isn’t there. It looks like one big thrill. It was just cool telling people that my dad was a fireman. That day and those that followed I think I finally understood what it took to run into flames when everyone else was running out and the dangers that went along with it. The job isn’t for the faint of heart. It requires selflessness that bleeds the knowledge that every call could be your last. The ultimate sacrifice that could mean the giving of your life to save others. 

There is a brotherhood amongst first responders. It doesn’t matter if you never meet. When one falls they all hurt. September 11 was a day like no other because of that. I can’t speak to that brotherhood, though I can tell you from a personal perspective of growing up around these men and women, it is very much a family. My father has a tattoo with the number 343 representing the number of FDNY who perished in the Twin Towers.

I’ve never worn the gear outside of work and showing the kids that it is nothing more than clothes and shouldn’t be feared. Although I’ve tried on both my brothers and my fathers once or twice. I’ve never born the responsibility of having the lives of others in my hands. I’ve never felt the heat of flames around me. I’ve also never felt the call to do so. Public service and first responders run in my family but for me it goes only as deep as an incessant need to know wherever the sirens I hear are going, every single time. I’ve never lived and worked from a firehouse, but that’s the funny thing about the fire department, I’m a Henegar. While I’ve never born the title of fireman I’ve always been a Henegar and that is a name that gets recognized (no matter how hard it is to spell.) If you didn’t know my father you likely know one of my brothers. Throughout my years at MDO we’ve had firemen come and give demonstrations to the kids. Without fail they hear my name, grin a little, and ask me if I’m a ‘Henegar’ boy. I am in fact a Henegar boy. My job is vastly different. I don’t wear heavy gear or risk my life. But, no matter what my career title is, I will always be a Henegar boy. The Fire Department helped raise me. These men and women are heroes, every day. 

The Journey is the Destination

Endgame.

If you are like me you enjoy superheroes and all the mythos that goes with them. You've seen all the Marvel movies and Endgame was the penultimate superhero movie. If you aren't and you haven't seen Endgame this won't matter. If you are and by some odd chance haven't seen Endgame read no further there are SPOILERS ahead.

I remember seeing Captain America and Thor in a theater back to back special (not the first time I saw my favorite first Avenger but the most memorable). It was in the old cheap theater by Hamilton Place that is now a fancy Regal. I can tell you I get chills EVERY time Cap says 'Avengers Assemble'. How the little guy from Brooklyn is one of the most relatable superheroes in my opinion because I see myself in him. Not that super-soldier version of Steve Rogers, but the scrawny, asthmatic, weak, no one gives a second look Steve Rogers that proves that he is Cap not by feats of super strength but by his courage. He beats out candidates that are far bigger,stronger, and more logical a choice because he's got something they don't, character and courage and that he has in spades.

I could tell you about how much I longed for a Falcon movie (I will settle for the Disney+ show though) because Anthony Mackie is a gem and brings a levity to Falcon that balances perfectly with the seriousness of Cap and the two were a great duo on the screen. I'm still a little put out that redwing was a robot and not an actual falcon but that is neither here nor there.

Perhaps you want to hear of the power that is in Black Panther, not just when he dons the mantle of Wakanda's protector and king (Wakanda forever!) but in how he wields that power as a king with compassion albeit one that protects his people fiercely (other than Cap, Black Panther is my favorite Marvel hero and Chadwick Boseman brings this character to life like no other man likely could)

You see, Marvel did something no one has done before, they showed the world how to craft the long form story and end it with a nice bow. They created worlds and people for ten years and built upon them layer upon carefully crafted layer. Characters rose and fell in arcs that were nothing short of perfectly human although none will ever be written better than Mr.Tony Stark himself. To go from a narcissist worried only about how the world views and treats Tony Stark to a man whom gives up everything he worked for to save the people he loves. It takes years of movies for this guy to get to the point that he sacrifices himself.  Don't get me wrong, they could have had him die in the first Avengers movie as he flies into space. Had they done that though it would have ruined what we wound up with. You see, if they'd killed him then it would have been selfish Tony. The Tony that still cared almost entirely for himself, so they waited. Instead they gave him what he wanted, Pepper Potts and a family. He gets everything he wants and THEN he gets killed. This is the Tony Marvel wants us to remember. The Tony that he became, not the one we first meet selling weapons. A man for whom family becomes everything and that family is worth sacrificing his life to save.

We meet new characters and get sometimes confusing timelines but Marvel knows what they are doing as they introduce movies that don't really line up in order of their release date but that doesn't matter because they understand what it takes to craft a full story. People are moved around, things that seem like insignificant details are actually vastly important and they are hidden in plain sight. Here is Marvel's MCU at its finest. A world of these superhuman beings that tie together so almost effortlessly it is hard to believe that only ten years ago only Cap and Iron Man existed on the silver screen.

They build these worlds and suddenly with a snap of Thanos, gold gilded, purple fingers everything they built vanishes just like that. Everything we thought we knew suddenly changes- and it's wonderful. Don't get me wrong it isn't without its sentiments-Tom Holland broke hearts as Spider-man as he tells Tony that he doesn't feel good and then vanishes into ash and Rocket losing Groot is enough to make your eyes water. These are moments that make these movies. Tiny things that in the overall arc of the story aren't why you go to see the movie but are what give the movies their heart.

Then you have Endgame. Oh, Endgame. Writers everywhere could stand to take a lesson from this movie. THIS is how you end ten years of storytelling. This movie has its laughs. This movie has its tear-jerker moments. It produces chills, cheers, and ultimately triumph over evil. It shows, better than the others, that these heroes are just people. They eat,breathe, and bleed just like you and I. They live, love, and grieve just like you and I. Amidst all the neatly tied endings as Cap gives his shield to Sam (a huge chill producing moment for me and the ONLY reason I'm okay with not getting a Falcon movie), Thor gives the keys to the  kingdom to Valkyrie, Clint and Scott go home to their families, we get to see them as people.  Not just super, butt-kicking, powerful people, but people who have suffered true loss as they mourn both Nat and Tony, but also people who understand that they honor those they lost best by living their lives.

You see after all these years we get to see good triumph over evil. Plenty of villains have met their match at the hands of these heroes both solo and teamed up. We got to meet them and see them grow as people. We eagerly awaited the movies to see just how the story would unfold. And in Endgame they teach us an important thing-In the end the journey is the destination.

Thanks for a decade of storytelling. Thanks for bringing some my favorite superheroes to life. Thanks for ending things well. Thanks for moments of triumph. Thanks for the MCU.
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Of no particular importance to this article but pertaining to Endgame itself is the following:

I'm still not entirely over Nat dying. As a writer either of these characters dying produces the desired ending of getting the soul stone. You kill Clint and you leave a family without their father which is sad. But if you kill Nat you not only lose a founding member, you give this woman a chance to sacrifice herself for the only family she has which is both a wonderful ending arc but a a gut punch as Clint watches his best friend sacrifice herself so he can go home to his family.

I'm still disappointed that Thor didn't return to his ripped, short-hair form when he called the lightning down when they confronted Thanos for the last time.

Nat and Clint's exchange in Japan is one of the best metaphors to how we as Christians should see those who are lost inside of any movie I've seen. Clint telling Nat not to give him hope and her response that she wishes she could have given it sooner should wrap tight bands around your heart because this is exactly what we should be doing-we've got hope, we need to share it.

Yellow Sparkly Things!

Cap weilding Mjolnir gave me chills BIG TIME. Another nod to just how talented Marvel is as this is throwback from the crew hanging in the tower and all of them try to pick up the hammer. Steve wraps  his hand around the handle and then excuses himself as Thor gets a funny look on his face.

All of the others appearing from the yellow sparkly things as Thanos is no longer standing against just three men.

Avengers Assemble! (This was the moment that I think gave me chills the most)

Scarlet Witch trashing Thanos as she reminds him who she happens to be.

I love you 3000-just wreck me now ladies and gentleman. The moment you realize everything Tony wants he has.

Cap and Peggy slow dancing is perfect. It is the ultimate happy ending that I wanted to see at the end of the First Avenger but I'm a sap and the little guy from Brooklyn getting to be with the woman he loves is how it should end.

SAM GETTING THE SHIELD!  Already said but I'm repeating it, this was huge and what I'd hoped for when Chris Evans publicly said he was hanging up the shield.

The C Word

You see those two people? It's been eleven years since that picture was taken. Many things have changed. I've mostly lost that slick, baby face. She's lost that long red hair. You want to know what they didn't know? A few years after this picture was taken she'd be diagnosed with breast cancer. She would fight, beat it, and then five years later that cancer would come back. See, like the mythological Hydra, cancer is a beast that must be slain but when you cut off one head another grows in its place.

I'm not at all afraid to get personal on my blog. That is after all exactly why it exists, it is an outlet for the myriad of thoughts that fill my head. I don't do well when my brain is full. Instead of overeating it is as if my brain has taken on too many thoughts and they are rarely in an order that can be considered sensical . So, I write. This time things are different. I'm not just writing about me. I'm not giving you my views on the world. I'm talking about that girl in that picture with me, my sister, Nikki.

You see, when you're little you are constantly asked what you want to be when you grow up, no one ever asks you that as you get older. At nearly thirty I' don't know the last time I was asked that question. I can tell you emphatically that I want to be Nikki when I grow up. My sister has a faith that   I envy. Not that I lack faith in Jesus, but I've never been diagnosed with cancer, and I've certainly not so strongly shrugged it off with the 'it is what it is, God's got this'  attitude she's currently holding. I'm not saying she's happy about this. I don't know anyone whom would welcome this news. But, I am saying she's taken this news without a hiccup. She's trusting that God is whom He says He is, and that  He does in fact have all of this under control.

I'm no stranger to the sovereignty of God. I've seen it at work in my own life, sometimes in ways that I would much rather him not have orchestrated at all, but He is God and I'm not, there are things that happen I don't understand. There is beauty in that sovereignty, beauty in resting in the hands of God as hard times come. An image of a child running to their parents room in the middle of the night. We have worries and fears and we go where we are safe, God. There we can rest and know we don't have anything to worry about because in his hands nothing can harm us.

That seems odd doesn't it, me saying nothing can harm us in God's hands as I write about the cancer currently inhabiting my sisters body. But it's true, her body is going to be pushed, there will be pain, but her faith in God is only growing. Her whole outlook is that in all of this God is glorified. Not that she is healed, though we are certainly praying for that, but despite the treatments, and everything that comes with having cancer, she just wants God to be glorified.

The thing about Nikki is much like me she's not tall. I've got her by about an inch or so. Her body is basically made up of hugs, sunshine, and spunk. It's nigh impossible to escape being around my sister without a hug and a smile, and an attitude of positivity that is contagious. It's also hard not to see Jesus when you look at her. The Jesus that says 'Come to me all who are wearied and rest' because she wants to welcome everyone. She wants to help.

The first time she fought this I got my first real glimpse of the Church being the church as it rallied around my sister,brother-in-law, and nieces. Even now I'm comforted by seeing how it's risen to the occasion of praying for her and doing whatever they can to help her this time around. The thing is though, as much as I'll get to see how this sister of mine is being strengthened by the Church, I'll see how the Church is strengthened by her.

Faith isn't easy but that is why it is called faith. It's even harder when things don't turn out how you'd expect. But if there is ever a time in my life I find myself facing something hard I want to be like my sister, full of faith, ready to fight, and happily showing the world that God has this.

Ink and Image

"Books have a unique way of stopping time in a particular moment and saying:Let's not forget this"-Dave Eggers

Five years ago I wrote about why I felt that the written word was important. I was looking at Instagram Thursday and happened to see one of my best friends talking about a recent read she'd started and all of this is the result of seeing that picture. Before you think that I'm dissing technology and television in general let me be quite clear to get this message across;I enjoy television. I watch a good amount of it, particularly police procedural dramas. There isn't anything wrong with watching a screen for awhile. But, here's the thing, it is rare that I can watch a show and remember that for years down the road. With the majority of my books I can pull them from my shelf and tell you how I got it and when I read it for the first time.

We've gravitated towards the ease of television even more with the addition of streaming services that can pump all manner of things for your eyes at the push of a button. Sitting down in front of a screen is far easier than opening a book. You can multitask while watching a favorite show, doing that with a book is not as easily replicated. Why? When you read your brain has to focus on forming those words into a picture. Watching a show doesn't produce the same work. You just simply put your eyes on it, and it does all the work for you. Television requires no imagination and little thought unless you're trying to catch a killer. A book makes you think. It forces you to use your imagination and put effort into focusing on the words that become people and worlds.

In the last few years we've leaned heavily on letting a screen entertain us and forgotten the simple but powerful ability of ink on a page. Authors create worlds with their fingertips but in truth it is the reader that gives a story life. Parent's read their children bedtime stories and those stories are often the base on which a life of reading is built upon. Read to them while they are young and as they grow they learn that pages hold a mystery to be uncovered better than any child's television show. Books allow them to be in control. If you want to develop your child's brain, don't give them a screen, give them a book. I promise you that teaching a child to read will have a far greater impact on their life than an hour of screen time ever will.

Dismissing a book is easy. Books are expensive. You can pay for a month of any streaming service for what most books cost unless they are purchased second hand. Why limit yourself to a book that you will read once when you can purchase a subscription that gives you thousands of shows and movies? Well that is an easy question to answer;You will likely regret sitting for several hours watching something but you will not so easily regret being still to read a book. Being sedentary is far different when you are feeding your brain. Television doesn't do that nearly as well as a book will. The best books will be revisited like old friends. They invite you to take a trip, get lost for a little while, and you don't need to leave your chair.

Hogwarts,Middle-Earth,Narnia, Panem, Alagaesia these are worlds that spring to life from the moment you crack them open. Adventures await you here and they can be returned to again and again. This is where you discover a magic unlike anything technology will ever offer. No matter how much science advances in the future the creation of worlds that start with mere words cannot be trumped. Books matter. In them you discover friendship, sacrifice, bravery, and hope. There good triumphs over evil and thinking for yourself is how you decide between the two.

In the end as J.K. Rowling says through a sage Albus Dumbledore "Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic." A magic that a screen can never fully replicate. So I beg you to read. Read widely. You won't regret it. If our coming generations are so wrapped up in technology that they don't read we've failed them.

Dogs Because People...

“What a frightening thing is a human, a mass of gauges and dials and registers, and we can only read a few and those perhaps not accurately.”-John Steinbeck

So today I was accepted into Catch Canine Trainers Academy.  This has been a journey essentially twenty-nine years in the making- my whole life. I’m an introvert. You will not find me in a room full of strangers throwing myself at them like an excited dog whom loves anyone and everyone that gives them attention. Quite frankly, I’m just not a people person. They, like Steinbeck wrote, are confusing and hard to read. People have an uncanny ability to be everything they are not. Dogs possess no such talent and with them what you see is what you get. I can look at a dog and tell you if that dog is happy to see me or wants to sink their teeth into my skin. The dog world is blessedly empty of falsehoods. We as humans with a sin nature are much more likely to present ourselves as fakes and in doing so make things harder for ourselves. 

If I were to tell you I like dogs I would be lying. It isn’t that I don’t like them it is that I love them. Dogs for me are like a hobby to another person. Most likely if dogs are involved you can count me interested. In my memory I’ve always loved being around them. My parents would tell you different because I was supposedly terrified of them when I was extremely young but I don’t remember that. In life there are a select few things that come naturally to me. Those things are animals in general, dogs, working with children, words, and food. 

My life with dogs has been a varied one with the many breeds that have passed through our house or my siblings have gained. Let me tell you, there are few things I enjoy more when it comes to dogs than getting to be around a new breed. Experience is a good teacher and the more breeds I’m around the larger my scope of the dog world becomes. Though decidedly lacking in the small dog department, I’ve grown up with and dealt with everything from large and lazy Great Danes to high drive Dutch Shepherds and Border Collies and plenty of breeds in between. 

I said this was a journey in the making. It has been and it isn’t one that I see ending anytime soon. See, for me, dogs have always been the endgame. They are what I’m the best at, which seems ridiculous. How can you be good at dogs? It sounds like improper English and likely is but that is the best way to explain it. I suppose I could say I’m the best with dogs, but you don’t say you’re the best with football. So, you’re just going to need to roll with me on this one. It’s all part of the adventure of being around me.

I’m a people pleaser. I do my best to make other people happy. When people are mad at me or even worse disappointed, I hate it. Whenever possible I do everything in my power to do what other people want, to make the “right”,”sensible”, or expected choice. After graduating High School I started a childcare job teaching at Bayside, where I’ve been for eleven years this August. It was safe, it was expected, I’ve always been good with kids. I grew up helping take care of them and have no problem at all handling them or their messes. They are fun, and unlike their future grownup counterparts I have no problem with talking to them. Like I said, I’m an introvert and talking to anyone over the age of eighteen doesn’t come naturally to me unless it’s about certain things. Working with kids meant stability and safety and adventurous has never been a word often used to describe me. I don’t do spontaneity. Doing the sensible thing meant that I didn’t do what I had planned on doing all along, train dogs. In 2008 the options for training schools or even the petcare business as a whole was nothing like it is all these years later. Now there are schools for trainers globally and many of those adhere more to my philosophy of training a dog with rewards rather than compulsion. 

So I started taking care of children for a living and have been doing so for a long time. I do what I know, what makes me comfortable, and despite their physical messiness, teaching children is comfortable for me. There is a predictability to their unpredictability if that makes any sense. Kids are essentially the same and have changed little over the years. Keep them safe, keep them fed, entertain them and your set. It isn’t rocket science in the slightest. 

I can’t say that the idea of training dogs isn’t frightening. It is, but more because it will involve the instability of having clients, without clients there is no money, money is important for living. I like the predictable. I despise change I didn’t instigate. There’s probably some name for that which involves some aspect of control or another, but in reality I don’t have to be in control. I’m not a control freak in the slightest. I’m really just a man of habit. Adjusting to new things takes time and I find that time uncomfortable. 

That being said, this is a huge leap of faith if I’ve ever taken one. I could spend the rest of my life doing only what is safe, predictable, and expected of me. People wouldn’t bat an eye and I’d remain safely within my bubble of pleasing those around me by doing what seems to be the safe option. But, there is after all most always a but, doing so would mean leaving a God-given passion to rot and die instead of being fully used to glorify Him. Much as speaking with strangers scare me, being complacent in my walk with God is scarier. His timing is well outside the realm of when I had hoped to be getting into the world of dogs but His timing is also perfect so there is the matter of my finite ability to comprehend things and His ability to know everything. 

In a way I’m jumping from one predictable passion to another. Realistically I’m not departing from teaching, I’m just adding those older people counterparts and an entirely new species to the roster. Many people spend hours, and hundreds of thousands of dollars to get the letters Dr. put in front of their names. I on the other hand am seeking to add four to my own-CPDT. 

I hope that you understand why this blog post was opened with the Steinbeck quote. If not the reason is simple, people are messy, confusing, and it isn’t easy to always understand each other. Dogs on the other hand are relatively simple; Feed them, treat them right, and throw a ball. They care little for the intricacies of our lives. They just want us and there’s something incredibly moving in the simplicity of that. Dogs after all are man’s best friend, and with good reason.