Serve & Protect

Police Officer Killed While Walking Out of Gas Station.

The headline that I saw this morning when I unlocked my phone.Deputy Darren Goforth was gunned down walking back to his patrol car last night at 8:30 pm.

Serve and Protect but only arrest the 'real' criminals.

Serve and Protect but never apply force.

Serve and Protect but never discharge your weapon even in self defense.

 I had the honor of visiting the Police Memorial in D.C. two years ago and was reminded of this quote that is on the memorial.


The slew of police murders recently are both horrifying and vexing. Horrifying because these are men who are just doing their jobs. They face death every time they put the badge on and go out to protect the cities they serve. Yet they know that at any point in time they might not make it back home. They are vexing because we live in a nation where the lives of the criminals that ravage the Unites States are more heavily protected than the people who are protecting us. Kill a cop and you are lauded as a hero. Apply too much force or shoot your weapon even if that is the one thing that is going to help you get home and you're nothing but a murderer. Are there bad officers? Sure. But, there are also bad teachers, bad doctors and bad pastors. There are people in professions they shouldn't be in wherever you look. Coloring an entire section of first responders as bad because there are those who misrepresent the badges they wear is absurd. Need I remind you that these people put their lives on the line to protect you? Because I can certainly do that.

Someone has flipped a switch and now it is open season on the men and women in blue. I'm not so sure that we shouldn't be protecting them. If they can't fill up their cars without getting shot by cowards someone has to step up and ensure they can do their jobs safely. Every move they make is questioned to the point that that cannot successfully do their jobs anymore. One wrong move in the eyes of the public and an officer might as well be skewered and put over an open flame because he or she is done. I understand that public perception is important because a public that cannot trust its protectors isn't going to willingly seek them when they need help. However, a public that has no protectors left because they've all lost their jobs trying to actually protect people is no safer or better off.

We've got very few options left. We can either let the public decide everything and watch society as a whole disintegrate into lawlessness and chaos or we can actually let the Police be Police and protect us. If that angers a few mothers than so be it. Raise your children not to break the law and you won't have to visit them in jail. I'd much rather live in a society where I can be safe and know that those protecting me are less likely to get gunned down doing their jobs at the expense of a few criminals and angry mothers, than live in a society that has no protection because the masses were a huddle of opinionated arm-chair cretins who don't like having to obey the law.

These men who roam the streets with guns ready to shoot down police officers are cowards. They are not heroes. They are not doing the world a favor. They are not helping anyone or themselves. They are murderers. They are ripping families apart. They are the reason good men and women do not come home at the end of shift.

To Kyle, Jon, Jim, and the countless others men and women across this nation who wear the badge and protect this nation every day I want to say thank you. Your sacrifice and the sacrifice of those who have paid the ultimate price  isn't in vain and doesn't go unnoticed by everyone.

More Than A Game

"You know, say what you will about the ravages of sports in this corporate age where overpaid athletes expect prima donna treatment, but there's still something so unifying about sporting in it's purest form, when athletes rise above themselves and touch greatness, and in doing so remind us all that we all have greatness inside of us".-Marvin McFadden

"Was it worth it?"

A simple, four word question I asked my eldest niece Wednesday night when we were forced to leave the United States Women's National team game versus Costa Rica early due to weather. Her reply was an ear to ear grin and a single word, "Definitely."

In all we saw fourteen minutes of the game before lightning struck and ruined the game for us. The excitement however started long before the game when we pulled up to Finley Stadium among a mass of people and walked inside. We found our seats quickly and a few short minutes later the only family member I have who likes the beautiful game as much if not more than I do saw one of her sports idols, Alex Morgan. Then in quick succession, Hope Solo, Megan Rapinoe and Abby Wambach followed as they filed into the stadium to the locker room. She was ecstatic and could barely speak as she ran back to our seats to show off the video she'd just taken. This was one of the moments that made the foul weather, being packed like cattle into the concourse, and early expulsion worth it. The next happened around five minutes later when I returned to the bathroom to find my sister and brother-in-law had gone to get food. I had been talking to Haylee about what looked like a large, rain-filled cloud that was approaching when she started smacking me on the arm and talking in an uncharacteristically high voice. When I turned to ask her what was happening she started pointing to the wall outside the locker room. Lo and behold one Hope Solo was leaning against said wall chatting on her cell phone.

Eventually Hope disappeared, Haylee's parents came back and the wait continued unbroken except for the occasional squeal of an excited fan, over nothing that I could see. Sixth-thirty rolled around, game time, Hope Solo appeared and warmed up for a few minutes then disappeared to more screams. I'll admit to clapping and screaming 'yeah' myself. I'm a fan of Hope Solo and the team in general but favor Solo,Morgan, Wambach, Lloyd and Heath above the others, they are my favorites. So when the team came out to practice I watched excitedly, nothing spectacular happened, it was just warm-ups after all, but still there was something magnificent about watching the world champions practicing on a field, in my hometown.Both teams disappeared and reappeared this time with children accompanying them as they were introduced a la normal game proceedings.

Then the real magic happened. 20,535 people stood united in a moment of silence for Chattanooga's Fallen Five. These five were men that had risked their lives for this country and this city, giving us the freedom to do what we were doing that night, gathering to watch a game. I'd known it was going to happen having seen Alex Morgan tweet about it but being part of it was something else. This had become more than a game it was a time of honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice. It was thought provoking, beautiful, and strangely haunting, a moment I will not soon forget. When it ended and the game started the American Outlaws famous for starting the 'I believe' chant at cup games started the Chattahooligan chant of Chatta-Nooga. That single world echoing across the stadium, issued from so many mouths but seemingly from a single disembodied voice was truly spine-tingling.

A few quick touches and then we hit the 6:25 mark and Carli Lloyd launched a beautiful free-kick into the net like the ball had been propelled from a rocket. The crowd went nuts (myself included). A little over six minutes later at the 13:10 mark Heather O'Riley scored and again we were one voice cheering on women that represented this nation well and did so with such skill that you can't help but be proud of them. Less than a minute later lightning would strike and end the game for us (though the game would pick up again later and the USWNT would go on to beat Costa Rica 7-2). We would pack inside the concourse where Haylee bought her Alex Morgan pennant with her signature on it and then the deluge happened. Told to leave the stadium we made a break for the car and found it, looking like we'd been swimming so hard was the downpour. But as wet as we were, as disappointed at the game ending that way, there was plenty of laughter at just how wet we actually were, because we'd expected rain, but certainly not like that.

So if you were to ask me if it was worth it. The ticket prices, the short game, and the monsoon we got hit with, I would without hesitation tell you, Yes. All of it was worth it. The look on Haylee's face as she got to watch these women play was worth it. The sound of her voice as they came out and she got to video them was worth it. Watching a city unite under the pretense of a game and honor the men who gave the ultimate sacrifice for us was worth it, every penny, every rain drop.

Chattanooga is city that is healing though we are by no means healed. Wednesday night was a testament to the world that evil will not win. When we stand as a people united we can face the tough times and know that we will survive. June 16th showed us that we are tougher than we appear and far stronger than we think. Our strength is in our unity. United we stand #NoogaStrong.

In ending I want to say thank you to the USWNT for giving my niece someone to emulate as she plays the beautiful game. Someone to show her that toughness on the pitch doesn't always equate to physical strength but in the strength to play fair and to accept defeat with her head held high knowing she did her best. An example of what it means to give her all and what can happen when she does. Thank you for coming to our city and honoring men you've never met. Thank you for representing this country so well and showing the world that the beautiful game matters because it isn't just a game, it's more than that, it is a unifying force.



To Haylee:The odds of you reading this unless your mother makes you are slim to none but I'm glad I got to see the game with you. I hope you enjoyed your early birthday present even if it got cut short and we got a little wet. I'm glad you won't forget Wednesday because I won't either. You saw what the ladies can do in person now it is your turn. Love you Haylee Nickel.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 Grace. Weakness. Power. Glory.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."- 2nd Corinthians 12:8-10

That is a pretty familiar passage. Verse 9 and the last part of verse 10 are oft quoted. If you aren't some stranger what I'm writing won't be a particular surprise to you. In fact it is a topic I've written on repeatedly over the years that this blog has existed. However, this time around I'm going to be echoing Paul and explaining why this passage resonates with me. Tonight I speak on Kallman's and why this passage gives me strength. If you want a fuller look at what Kallman's is follow this link to a previous post in which I explain it.

http://jhenonevoice.blogspot.com/2013/09/a-not-so-nice-anniversary-and.html

At 1pm tomorrow afternoon, I will visit the endocrinologist per usual for my twice yearly checkup. A time that consists of hearing what my testosterone levels are, adjusting the dosage and frequency of my injections if needed, and answering questions about whether or not I'm having any side effects from the testosterone. This is not a time that I look forward to but who enjoys going to the doctor?

Ten years. Ten years I've been getting these injections. Shots that for the most part I rarely feel anymore they've become so common. Though my hip is usually sore after so I tend to watch how I sleep.  I currently get them every other week. In fact, I received one yesterday. This is the way I've lived almost half my life now.

 I'd like to tell you that it has become spectacularly easy and it doesn't bother me anymore. Not the physical pain, the knowledge of what it limits me to doing. I could tell you that but if I did I would be lying and there would be no point in my writing. If anything when you read my blog posts I want you to see grace and truth. So you are going to see the grittiness and the pain but I hope you see faith amidst an ongoing struggle and the love of a God who knows far better than I do, what is good for me.

I'm like Paul,I've prayed for years for God to take this. I've prayed for some miraculous healing to take place so my brain would be whole as it should and my body would follow suit. It hasn't come. I'm still abnormal. Some days facing that truth is easier than others. I can happily tell you that God is doing this or that in my life but still struggle with the fact that what I wish He would do He hasn't. Understanding that Kallman's is for my better is easy enough to say I get, but far harder to put into practice. I've had ten years to deal with this I should be over it right? Maybe. However, being confronted by what I'm unable to do often makes this all the harder to just 'get over'.

I am not a regular person. I want to do normal things. I want to lead a normal life. That is not the life God has planned for me. I want to do missions so badly but currently am bound to trips that last no more than a week and they cannot occur on shot days. That makes travel practically impossible. I cannot do the missions I really want to do, I cannot get to Africa like that. While I don't feel called to full-time missions I'm not going to say no if God says go teach in other countries be it children or sustainability. My knowledge of sustained living is limited to chickens but I know quite a bit about them.  I've done mission trips for several years now but those have thus far all worked out to I either get a shot before I leave or soon after returning home. As you can see this is quite the conundrum. A painful problem that produces jealousy if I'm not careful to guard against it, and sometimes, even when I am.

I do not get the honor or privilege to see tiny children in sonograms that are born and have one trait of mine or another. If I have children, I'm certain that they will likely not even share my ethnicity. It hurts, sometimes more strongly than others, but ten years is a great deal of time to come to grips with such a consequence of Kallman's. It doesn't mean I'm completely cured of the pain, but it does mean I'm better at dealing with it when it comes.

I told you I was like Paul. I prayed for Kallman's to go away and it hasn't. Such a result means there is clearly a reason that I've not been cured or another treatment option has not yet been found and offered to me. That reason hasn't shown itself in a concrete form. I cannot point at a time and say 'That is when it all made sense'. However, I can tell you that this is a struggle that God has given me so He can be glorified. This is something I have been afflicted with so I can be closer to Him. I long for a day when this experience can be a help to someone other than myself. The statistical odds of meeting even one other person in Chattanooga with Kallman's aren't high so there is some other person that needs what I've learned. Maybe it is a couple who found out they can't have kids. Maybe it is a person whose dreamed grand dreams of doing amazing things for God but is relegated to watching others chase them while they sit on the sidelines because of some physical challenge or another. 

His grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in MY weakness. I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness to show the world that my God is far stronger than I am and can do miraculous things through one as abnormal as me. I can be content with such a life because in that life, when I am weak I receive his power and I become strong. This is why such a passage resonates with me. It is why I cling to the word of a living God whose plan for me might not make sense at this moment to me but has never been anything but glorifying to Him. If I boast may it be in Christ and Christ alone.

And I will end with this quote by my favorite theologian, Charles Spurgeon "Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there."